|Yukine, PQ, Me, David, and Helen|
It was a lovely visit but it has pushed me into another crisis about where I should be. We had to let our house in the Sedona area go last year because we couldn't afford to keep it but the energetic connection remains, and there is no doubt that Standing Deer's health would benefit if we could be there.
On our visit this time we were led to a special place of power by the lady who sponsored Dave and Helen's workshop. One of those confirming magic events occurred on this visit that reminded me that something like this happens virtually every time we go walking in the Sedona area. I won't speak of the event itself because it prefers to be kept as a private event at this time, but it was a confirmation of the connection with these sacred places.
When we returned to Taos I fell into a gray, distant remoteness that was very uncomfortable. It was as if I was disconnected from everything, floating on a dingy charcoal cloud. The next night I had a very bad dream of being held captive by a situation of mistaken identity in a very ugly, broken down, gloomy house in an unknown city by people I could not connect with nor did I want to. These people were trying to draft me into their profession. In fact they thought I was there intentionally. I desperately searched for but could not find my car keys to leave and then discovered that I didn't remember where my car was either. I awoke in a state of despair.
It occurred to me that I should smudge the house and myself with sage. Perhaps I picked up something negative on the trip. But the trip was fine in most ways. However, I felt a bit of a dejavu just before leaving for Sedona. I picked up a severe cold. The last time I'd had a cold like that had been in Glastonbury 13 years earlier. The circumstances were strangely similar. For some reason I was reliving certain events but failed to understand the connection. The cold had been associated with some very difficult events in my life those many years ago, events that felt very distant and no longer a problem. However, during that episode David Eastoe had given me some help with his plant essences that was very effective and now he was giving a workshop in Sedona about the use of plant essences.
The disturbing dream indicated that there was danger of becoming accidentally lost in a decaying situation. It is necessary to move to another level but old fears arise of falling victim to another compromised trap. Of course I journalized this dream which removed some of the power from the spell it cast. Now I recognize that this is my way of preparing for the next major life hurdle. Housecleaning is the beginning of this process and whenever this comes up in my life I notice that there is a lot of dirt and broken stuff in the dark corners.
A right next step will require something beyond my current psychic tool box, which means it isn't clear on my psychic GPS. I sense that my energy has shifted ahead of my consciousness but I do recognize that I'm definitely responding to a shift in energy. I sense that Taos is becoming my past. It is still home but I don't think my soul work is here at the present. I'm following an energy wave to Arizona right now, but I can't justify it practically. Standing Deer would feel much better at a lower elevation but living in Cottonwood last year was a financial stretch that we can't manage this year. I keep hoping that some resolution will present itself, but I also sense that something I haven't imagined or fantasized may emerge at the end of this drabness.
Perhaps its my Moon rising in Cancer that requires that I have big emotional swings that herald changes in direction and growth. It seems that instead of seeing the future I have to feel my way through each process.
Usually I find myself following a new interest with no idea why it suddenly presented itself. Knowledge always comes much later.