Monday, August 22, 2011


My constant and primary lesson in life is about taking responsibility for being myself out front in the full light, without pretending to fit somebody else' s needs and expectations but honestly taking on my own place in time. But this is about more than just me. A long line of ancestors hid in the safety of agreement and mediocrity. Not because they were socially or mentally challenged but because they believed it was safe and virtuous. We didn’t know it but we insulted the Creator by assuming he wanted yes men and women. I had to lose my faith before I realized that our so-called obedience was actually an insult to the Creator. What kind of God depends on followers to flatter his ego?

Stay Big,
Don’t Shrink.
Be in the Sun,
Avoid the dark.
Talk strong don’t whisper.
And above everything,
Honor your heart’s desires.
Speak and act what you believe,
Especially what you want to believe.
Make the dreams real and constantly
Lie this truth until it becomes real on Earth.

The first card in the Tarot.
Stepping into the unknown of life.

This poem came to me a number of years ago when it seemed that everything that I valued was losing its light and life. The world was shrinking to the size of my little adobe living room and each day was lost in the predictable monotony of the little shop where I worked. I didn’t have enough money to make a change and all of my loves were waiting for the space of time I never had. The world was closing in, and I was beginning to forget why I came to New Mexico, the vision and hope that caused me to take a leap of faith. Of course nothing worked out as I hoped it would but that isn’t the point. I didn’t know enough about the destiny of my world to hope in the right way. Taos is a harsh teacher with more than a little trickster energy. Dreams are never allowed to rest in peace, nor are they given form easily. And so the testing went on backing me into the corner until there was no room to hope and then one day I realized that waiting for someone to have faith in me was a lost cause. I was being shown the results of my safety tactics of keeping a low profile, being very modest, self effacing and avoiding trouble.

I also deceived myself by believing that taking that one risky step off the edge of my safety zone would last the rest of my life. But was it really a risk? The safety zone is the true risk and the lesson was that life and safety are not compatible. Life demands, and Creator demands that we step off the edge again and again. That is the engine of creation. Yes, sometimes its necessary to catch one’s breath, dust off the dirt and stand up before plunging over the next precipice but that is no place to stay. We must keep taking chances and facing the unknown or our license for residency will expire. Unfortunately we often don’t notice when this happens. Gradually everything begins to fade out and before we know it we are dust.