tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-36027056572493473362024-03-18T03:47:48.561-06:00White Deer MedicineInsights, Paradoxes, and Interesting Encounters on the PathMarti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-9083364576145709942024-02-28T15:56:00.009-07:002024-03-02T13:40:09.126-07:00CAVEING: The Birth Canal to Godliness<p class="MsoNormal">I’m on a new trail searching for a special cave. I’m an amateur explorer, but I wasn’t told this would
require any special gear or training. After a long walk, I’m relieved to come
across the entrance to a cave. It looks right according to my list of instructions,
although the instructions were not very detailed, or perhaps I don’t remember all the details. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I carefully approach the entrance and look inside. It does resemble what I’ve been told to look for. I’m thrilled, I’ve
found it! However, maybe I should
examine the inside more carefully. I'll walk in. It looks right according
to the instructions I was given. Although many things fit the instructions, I also
see things I don’t remember being told to recognize. I’m going to continue in faith and hope, and
maybe the instructions I have will be validated.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I become enthralled but before long, I notice that it is
beginning to get dark outside. I no longer recognize what I see, there are only lumps and holes. Fear and
uncertainty grip me for the first time. What if I get lost and can’t find my
way out? A decision must be made. Do I keep going or turn back toward the
entrance. The sun is setting fast, and I notice that I’m no longer sure of
which way is out. I’ve already waited too long. Maybe I really am lost. Am I
half in, or half out. I have no sense of
how to back track without making the situation worse. Fear is rising, but I tell myself to calm down
because panic could be fatal.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I decide to keep going in deeper, but the suspicion that I’m
lost is also growing stronger. My heart sinks to my stomach. I’m probably in
real trouble but its too late to back out, since I don’t know where out it.
This isn’t right. The points that seemed to indicate that this was the right
cave begin to seem like evidence of deception but it’s too late to go back since
I’m not sure where back is. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">I continue walking in the dark, feeling sides and corners
with my hands, and exploring the rocks and holes in the ground with my feet. I'm getting better at moving through the dark and yet with every corner turned,
I hope to see a ray of light to guide me through this situation.
This fantasy is all I have. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Existence before I entered this cave is now only a nostalgic
memory. I don’t even know if I’m going in the right direction. I might die,
lost in the dark forever, no matter what I do. Now and then I come to a split
in the cave wall. Should I follow it? Will it get me free, or will I end up
even more lost. I follow two of these splits
and find myself tired and even more lost but with luck I feel my way back to the main cathedral.
I’m beginning to remember and follow textures on the cave floor and feel the different forms
on its walls.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">My eyes are useless now, and although I’m getting better at
feeling my way along, I’m obsessed with the hope of sunlight leaking through a hole to bring an end to this misadventure. I can think of nothing but a way out.
What if I fall into an unseen watery trap. However, my nonvisual senses are now growing stronger. Finally, I see a light. I’m afraid to believe my eyes, since
they have been dormant for hours. As I approach, I’m thrilled to see a real
light beam coming through the top of the cave. It is small and far too high to
reach. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Eventually, I see other beams of light leaking through the
top of the cave, but I quit believing that they meant solution to my situation. Probably I’ll die here, but those tiny beams
of light may someday be just the right size and close enough to the cave floor,
to make an exit possible. I don’t have emotional peaks and canyons anymore. I
just keep feeling my way through the dark. There is nothing better to do, and
there is no one to help me through an emotional meltdown, I must stay focused. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">If I die here, some archeologist may find my bones in a few
thousand years and creatively speculate on what religious rite caused an
ancient human to be sacrificed in this cave. He or she may well forget that they
were also seduced into this cave in search of knowledge. I’ve often wondered if
any archeologist ever dug up a former incarnation of himself or herself. He or
she will forget that he or she was also seduced into this cave, because humans
are always searching for the “Great Mystery”, if for no reason other than trying
to solve it. Of course, the mystery is never solved, but the entrance to the
cave is irresistible. Both humans and cats can’t resist dark holes, though
possibly for different reasons. However, there is the possibility of finding something
surprisingly delicious and juicy in both cases, and both are pulled through
life by a hope called curiosity. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps we humans are agents of the divine creative urge.
What is curiosity? It is a desire to find the next piece of a puzzle, even though we sometimes try to force the fit. Are we building each imperfect model toward
a higher resolution of an original image? What if we fall into the depths of darkness
while exploring for seductive treasures and we find ourselves in a hair-raising
mystery that we might not survive? Perhaps, survival is relative. Will you live
forever safe and happy if you walk on by the cave entrance? Or will meaningless
predictable boredom freeze the mind and heart. Without danger we become
mechanical.</p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Your shell will shrivel up and turn to dust as we all must. Anyone
may lose courage and focus on any point inside that cave and become a mysterious
pile of bones. No one is completely lost, but starting over depletes hope, and
makes faith a bigger leap. <o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps you make it all the way through this cave until you
find a beam of light bright enough and in climbing height to be an exit. You pull yourself out of the cave, into the
light and rejoice. Faith in your original instructions is restored and you are
proud of yourself for carrying through. Perhaps you praise God and your brave
ancestors for their example. Then you find a light filled trail where you can
see all the rocks, and holes. You thank your lucky stars, and maybe God, drink deeply from a
pure, bubbling stream and take a peaceful nap, to complete this glorious sunny day. For me, the best came when I set off for home to
meet my loved ones. Some of them were not home, but I’ll try again another
time.<o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">The next time I walked this trail I noticed another cave
opening. At first, I think, “no way.” But curiosity and doubt overtake my fear.
Could this be the cave I was originally intended to find? Well, who knows? I survived the last cave.
Maybe that means I’m lucky, or God is interfering here and there—maybe that's the same thing. Well, I have some experience now. Maybe I should peek into
this new cave, (new to me) and see what secrets it may hold. Then I forget how confused
and even terrified I was when I lost the help of sunlight in that first cave. <o:p></o:p></p><p>
<span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">To be continued, Life
is a dream, birth and rebirth are caving expeditions. May I become a better caver.</span></p><p><span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Words Inspired by God!</span></p><p><span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></p><p><span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></p><p><span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></p><p><span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></p><p><span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><br /></span></p><p><span face=""Aptos",sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: Aptos; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p> </o:p></p>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-55084439082336804972023-10-25T16:21:00.002-06:002023-10-25T16:54:49.178-06:00 A PLANETARY AUTOIMMUNE DISEASE<p class="MsoNormal"> Two nights ago, at midnight I had one of my flyby thoughts.
They usually appear when something is troubling me just below the surface of consciousness.
I was remembering an ongoing war I had with my dad over trees, shrubs, and
animals. I loved them, he wanted to subjugate or eliminate them. Of course, I
responded instinctively because before they are tamed, children fall under the
same classification. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">From Dad’s Conservative Baptist viewpoint, earth was a war-zone
between nature, including human nature and God. We offended God because of our weak
character and wrong headedness. Given free will, we followed the law of
attraction and Satan offered a delicious, exciting presentation of something appealing
beyond the same old, same old walk in the park even if the park was the Garden
of Eden. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dad and I had a complicated relationship. I was a menace because
I was always bringing up something that bothered him greatly. He thought if he
could get me straightened out and reigned in, maybe the irritants would quit
popping up. Of course, it wasn’t really about trees and shrubs, or a bit later,
the four-legged beings, I loved, especially cats. It was about hammering
misfitting pieces in the puzzle of life into the intended place with a sledgehammer.
The very authority of God and the order of the universe was at stake. He had
deliberately hardened his heart and mechanized his mind so that nature would
stay in its appropriate place as a slave.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dad believed children were like nature and therefore not yet
enslaved to the invisible boss that was always watching us and had spies
everywhere. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Children, with their urges,
curiosity and questions could get everyone dammed to hell. The Big Boss had
already decided not to allow ungrateful and treacherous humans back into the
beautiful Garden of Eden. The punishment to the parents as well as the child would
be even worse if the child managed to crawl in under the fence. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">mom believed this stuff too, but she counted on her naïve helplessness
to save her. Surely God would recognize that any rules she broke would be the
result of innocent ignorance not any desire to rebel. Besides she was in
constant fear and pain and that suffering had to compensate and knock off some
negative points. She walked through the darkness with the wide unfocused eyes
of a newborn deer, counting on the kindness of strangers. The strangers were
often unkind however, and she had a “nervous breakdown,” that lasted for years.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I studied astrology for years but discovered the nature of
people told me more about the cosmic actors than the cosmic actors told me
about people. For some reason it always worked backward in my mind. Dad was a
Scorpio and thus ruled by the planet Pluto, named after the God of the
Underworld. Scorpio doesn’t sugarcoat anything, and he doesn’t pull punches. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His children expect the same from the supreme
boss. They are tough and can eat rotten steak and drink vinegar. The
degradation of matter seems to fascinate them. They can take it straight about
the final fate of every living being, and they aren’t escapists. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Hard as I tried to believe this view of reality, I couldn’t
accept it with resignation and hope that because I was a baptized Christian I
would go to heaven. Just because heaven was only somewhat better than hell, it
wasn’t any place I would want to live in for eternity. As I got older, I had
terrible nightmares, of the second coming of Jesus. The story was that Jesus
would one day appear on a cloud and draw all his followers to heaven before the
unbelieving world was sent to hell. I didn’t want to go to either place, but I
had to keep it a secret. I had many nightmares about Jesus unexpectedly
appearing on a storm cloud surrounded by lightning bolts. His arms were outstretched,
and this was it! On one of these last nightmare ascensions, I fought so hard to
stay on earth that I was literally turned inside out. So began my descension into
an entirely different reality. Now I see this incredibly painful flaying as the
actual beginning of a rebirth, although it took many years to understand this,
I really was born again and it began a process of being born, again, and again,
and again. I’ve lost many skins. I now see this 3-D space/time planet as the
place where we prepare for ascension to a higher state of being. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Probably there are many other dimensional
iterations of this planet that exist simultaneously, I sense that this is so,
although I can't get too precise about the way this would manifest. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Of course, the Jesus story has masqueraded as literal
history, and heaven and hell presented as places below or above the earth realm,
(how does that work on a globe where everything is both above and below
depending on the time of day). Literal minded fundamentalist Christianity is
the most anti-Christ teaching I can imagine. It attempts to freeze people at a gross
literal interpretation of an ineffable transcendent state of being. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For many years I felt sorry for myself for being born into such
a gross, hard world of angst, poverty, war, and loss. The most beautiful and
talented of our kind seemed to be inevitable victims of hungry demons. Beauty, honesty,
and love were always under attack. I’ll include curiosity among the forbidden.
It is an aspect of love because it is propelled by attraction. Even cruelty and
greed are disappointed, and disfigured forms of love. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It is the intelligence of the heart that functions as a love
filter. I’ve come to believe that our future fate as humans and the fate of our
neighbors on this planet (maybe some neighboring planets, as well) depends on recognizing
that heart intelligence is crucial for putting perception in balance and remembering
that the heart is the central energy chakra and physically pumps our life blood
throughout our body. This is literally true, but also symbolically, and
spiritually true. There is a good reason that the heart is traditionally represented
by the Sun. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We modern humans need to recover a crucial ability at which
the ancients surpassed us, of seeing truth on several levels or dimensions
simultaneously. The physical is not just physical but is only one demonstration
of multiple perceivable states that exist simultaneously. Being turned inside
out by a false representation of Christ gathering his followers was right on, and became my rebirth to another reality. </p><!--Include the Google Friend Connect javascript library.-->
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-1248977008570758292023-10-15T01:16:00.000-06:002023-10-15T01:16:29.852-06:00ISRAEL AND PALESTINE<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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</p><p class="MsoNormal">Dear friends,</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The plight of Israel and Palestine is a piece of hot lead in
my heart this week. I believe Israel’s government is largely to blame for this
extreme eruption. They did push the Palestinians into a smaller and smaller and
smaller space, both literally and as neighbors. Each was unwelcome to the
other, but Israel has the power of the west behind it. The Palestinians believed
they had only two options, to be captives with diminishing presence forever, or
fight in whatever way possible. How ironic that the “land of milk and honey”
promised by Yahweh is so full of poison. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Does it begin with a time of wandering in the Sinai Desert
for forty years after the escape from Egypt? Alas, Israel’s ascent into the
promised land given by Yawei quickly became descent into a territorial dispute
and the removal of the present inhabitants, why? In their story, as soon as
Israel arrived at the promised land, they clashed with the people who occupied it.
As conquerors, killing, and or subjugating the residents, they simply switched
roles in what seems to have been a war between gods. Are we human beings, pawns
in an upper-level chess game told in the language of myth? Or perhaps it’s a
lower-level game, and the brothers all the way back to Cain and Abel set the
board for this cosmic chess game. Brothers are so often deadly rivals
throughout history and even at the individual family level. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Yahweh and Allah have
much in common. Do they symbolize archetypal brothers from earliest human times?
In the Bible it begins as a rivalry for God’s favor between Cane and Abel as
the sons of Adam and Eve? Has nothing changed except the destructive power of
their weapons? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems that all humanity
is represented archetypally by the story of these rival brothers caught in a
loop of competition for the favor of a tyrant father. After years of
subjugation by an earthly ruler, one of them, Moses razed among the enslavers realizes
that all are children of a God who inspires corrections that liberate the
enslaved. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it is not easy to
overcome a slavish mind and the former slaves can’t see beyond a desert where they
wander in unknowing for forty years, always waiting for a promise to be
fulfilled. But the wanderers are fixated on what freedom and compensation would
mean to those who still think like slaves. They are trapped in a too carnal interpretation
of their liberator’s promise of a land of milk and honey. They regress to their
former state of mind and worship the god of their now nostalgic days in
slavery. Moses has not succeeded in liberating their hearts and souls. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To this day the promised
land is still bandied back and forth through ideologists stirring up wars
between brothers over and over. This spiritual/trans-historical drama has been intense
throughout the age of two fish tied together, swimming in opposite directions
in the same waters: the age of Pisces.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As Einstein observed, it is impossible to solve a problem
within the system that created the problem. An enlightened being outside the
system appears now and then to give humanity a leg up on the ladder of creative
evolution.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thus Jesus (Yeshua), the crucial
one who escaped the prison of the lower mind, attached to the physical sensorium,
and confined in a temporal body, came to reveal, and propose another way than
the tiresome stuck-ness of this war between brothers and to show something central
was being overlooked. Wars are never won no matter how just they seem. What is
the real purpose of War? What is never won? It seems that every war generates
fuel for the next war and the brothers switch roles again and again. Is “milk
and honey” baby food laced with poison? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Jesus (Yeshua), trans-cosmic brother of Thrice Great Hermes
and child of the Original Alchemist, was born to transcend this tribal dilemma.
His role was foretold by the visitation after his birth of the Wise Men from
the east. Then there are the silent years between the event in the temple with
the elders when he was a young boy, and the launching of his ministry as an
adult. There are stories in Egypt, India, and Tibet of Yeshua (his real name)
having studied in those lands. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I think
we can see the crucifixion as the event when Jesus as the Christ, the liberated
man, breaks free and goes trans- cosmic. This is the only way to end the
horrible 3-D war of brothers. The cross of crucifixion is more than a tragedy
inflicted by evil enemies, who must pay with the same degree of horror as they
meted out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is the reverse of
salvation. Jesus said to his offended disciples concerning the Roman Soldiers
who fought over his garments, that punishment would do no good, because they
didn’t know what they were doing. Until humans know what they are doing, they
continue exchanging horror back and forth. It can never be overcome. Only
complete defeat by total annihilation of all parties would halt this
trajectory. That is the devil’s solution.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m one of those skeptics who suspect that Jesus the flesh
and blood man survived the crucifixion, but I’m not sure that is an important point.
He definitely survived and became transformed by ascending to a higher level of
being. We humans on this earth plane will never find the way beyond our little
box locked up together and attacking each other because we need someone to
blame, believe we can’t get out and don’t know who put us here. I’ve seen this
happen among animals confined in a small space. One of my neighbors has four
large dogs in a small kennel. They get into fights several times a day and
their owner (god with a small g) interferes before they tear each other apart.
Peace only lasts a short time before the next explosion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But it isn’t true peace. Can the big daddy we
pray to as humans be merely the boss that stops these fights between brothers,
yet is really the hidden instigator? The Gnostics believed so, and termed this
lesser god the demiurge, a reduced construct between humans and the trans-cosmic
source of all that is and all that is becoming.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We must be born again in an environment large enough for the
body of Creation to continue becoming. It is said that war inspires creative
invention, and it certainly does, but this creativity is trapped by war, and
the result is more and better destructive instruments. Is the fate of blowing
up the planet possibly an inverted spiral taking us back to the first breath of
Creator that enlivened matter. Perhaps we will be sucked down a black hole and
our whole system will go through a hard restart. That is one way of being born
again. This would be the most extreme form of rebirth. The choice is ours. God,
Creator gave us the potential to become co-creators and we are fooled by our
small vision, the border of our skin, and the limitations of our physical
garment to believe we can be destroyed, and thus that we can destroy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those killed in war suffer but are not
destroyed, they will emerge as an enemy we must accept as brothers and sisters,
because they may in fact be us. I would hate to leave this lifetime feeling
that having only acquired a few bits of hard-won knowledge here and there, I may
return to find Israel, its neighbors and much of the world a pile of ashes. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 143.25pt;"><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-33320634741755810552023-08-11T18:44:00.002-06:002023-08-11T20:08:20.297-06:00THE TRAIL OF AI <p> I often get the best insights when I’m watering the garden,
and then forget them when I get near the computer. I’ll try to dredge up a few:
Today I saw what an amazing education humanity is being given. Of course,
ignorance, fear, and whatever self-protection we are conditioned to react with
comes out first. People are very polarized about the cures for their fears, and
there are plenty of theories to choose from. There is a lot of creative
thinking going into some of these theories about what is wrong and how it
should be dealt with. My experience is that, if we knew what was needed, we
wouldn’t be creating theories (no offense to creative thinking). Creative
thinking is very important but usually comes from an amalgamation of ideas
developed to defend against the spell induced by the problem we are trying to
solve. As Einstein said: “No problem can be solved within the system in which
it was created.” He must have said this many times, because it is quoted in a
number of word combinations, but that is the gist of it. We are being pushed to
knock our calculating abilities up a notch, but also our undeveloped emotional
reactions.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m increasingly shown by
life, that humanity’s big brain, is operating without backup from the heart,
which has an important intelligence of its own, and I’m not talking about
maudlin sentimentality, which is the result of an undeveloped alienated heart. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Actually, all of the chakra points control an aspect of
intelligence, the heart happens to be at the center, like the Sun is the center
of our planetary system. I believe we are undergoing the need to develop an
inclusive and balanced inner planetary system. Each chakra must hold its proper
place, or compensatory reactions occur. Our hearts which are at the center, are
vulnerable, undervalued, reacting to fear and misinformation, and don’t have a
voice, just as small pre-verbal children can’t articulate their reality. In the immature
stage of our development as heart aware humans, most of us are children. Our
culture reflects this by keeping us focused away from the heart and other underdeveloped
areas of perception. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">One of my neighbors has several large dogs enclosed in a
small area surrounded by a fence. They bark for attention, they bark out of
boredom, and they bark at every bit of outside noise that offers an excuse to
react with their marvelous canine ears and nose. When their pent-up energy
flows over the top, they attack each other. Their people love them, feed them
well, settle disputes and now and then talk to them, but no one takes them out to run. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>One day last week, one got loose, stormed over
to my house, knocked over and broke the water dispenser I put out for the cats,
and chased the cats, who were fortunate enough to have speed and good claws
that took them over the fence. I can’t help but see an analogy with what
happens to humans whose passions and potential are fenced in. These owners may
interfere to break up dog fights, but they don’t give them the chance to
develop and live as their ancestors prepared them to live. They would be at
peace only if they <i>devolved</i>. I believe we humans are undergoing a similar
threat to our acquired abilities. Our bodies and lesser minds are being
overfed, but our heart, high intelligence and amazing bodies are in a
technological enclosure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Artificial Intelligence
(AI) is a shrinking kennel. But it’s a product of a soulless, heartless concept
of humanity. I am always amazed when highly intelligent scientists refer to the
human body and human intelligence as a biological machine, when actually the
biological entity invented the machine. To become more artificially intelligent
is to become less not more. However, the egos of those who are launching it are
both proud and scared. I think they are sensing the looming cliff this path is
headed for. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I regard my own life as a work in progress and a chance to
learn how to be a sentient being in a world that is lacking in heart, gut, and
solar plexus intelligence and their basic life qualities. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We need to develop a sound sense connection to
these before we can be trusted with the higher vibrational chakras above the
heart. Scientific Materialism went after true gold instead of a dangerous and
demeaning false spirituality but then threw out the gold with the dross. Perhaps we
have been here before. Is that what the legends about the fall of Atlantis tell
us. I hope that we can make it through this narrowing passage to a higher, more
fear-free way of responding. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember a dream I
had many years ago when I was faced with a threat to some of my core beliefs.
Although I don’t remember why, I was walking a tight rope over what I thought
was a deep chasm, but it was too dark to know for sure. I wasn’t very good at
tight rope walking and was terrified. I made it halfway across but then lost my
balance. I was sure I was going to die but landed three feet down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had a slightly skinned knee but was shocked
to find that all of my intensity and fear were pointless. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We are made to fight for our life, and fight for the lives
of those we love, and the principles we believe from the heart will support
those lives, but in the end, <i>there is no end</i>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the Hindu tradition we are nearing the
center of the last round of a great cosmic cycle, the Kali Yuga. <a href="https://youtu.be/6JHFad4I7f0">https://youtu.be/6JHFad4I7f0</a> In this
tradition positive/negative are the generators of creation and the evil that surges in the
Kali Yuga is preparation for the next cycle of creation built on the
purification spawned by exposing the deception and falseness of evil. Through
this battle the cosmos evolves.</p>
Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-7791220690287762682023-07-29T18:55:00.001-06:002023-07-30T00:33:41.960-06:00ON BEING AN OUTSIDER<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Much to my surprise, I have been participating in a Zoom church for a number of
months. The path to that group was both unusual and for me, as easy as water
trickling down a hill. It is actually made up of individuals who floated
down many different streams to pour into this little pool of sparkling water.
That is among the factors that stimulated my interest.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was raised in a fundamentalist Baptist family, and I grew
up with the belief that my parents were so dependent on their connection to the
dogma and form of this fundamentalist belief system that they would
disintegrate without it, and my survival mandated that I keep their pieces
assembled in the proper order. However, I was never totally convinced that I could
be included, and there were always questions in my heart, even though my mind tried
to overpower those questions, I never entirely succeeded. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I remember the day I decided to undergo baptism. I was seven
years old. Although our branch of the church did not believe one was
automatically placed on the downward shoot to hell if not baptized, yet it was
still an important life contract with God and a confirmation that one publicly
acknowledged Jesus as one’s “personal savior.” Those were words that never
congealed into meaning. What are we being saved from, and why must there be a
personal savior? God and Jesus also had a very strange relationship. Because we
humans are imperfect and God is perfect, he has to condemn us, even though he
made us, but he has a human son who is also a God in flesh, he will sacrifice
this beloved son in place of us who deserve it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now, that always seemed like a major guilt trip to me. I secretly resented
being in that situation. One can certainly fear such a God, but never honestly
love him, but we had to pretend, and of course, God is male and has a big ego. I
came to believe all love was a pretense for survival.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Baptists don’t believe in infant baptism because infants
can’t make the conscious choice to follow Jesus as their savior. That made
sense to me, but many words were as dry as dust and I could never soak them in
enough baptismal water to infuse them with conviction or plump them up like
soaking dried fruit. If I had been honest with myself, I would have accepted
that the dogma was indigestible and no matter how hard I tried, or how
sincerely I prayed for God’s help to explain it in a convincing manner, I
remained remorsefully doubtful. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I didn’t
believe I would go to hell, because I had made a commitment in action if not by
faith, but heaven was dismal. It would be like church every day forever. Oh,
why was I ever born into such a rigged situation? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I could never bring myself to participate in the Pastor’s
rallies to attract followers to Christ, but nevertheless, I felt guilty for my
lack of commitment to a faith that I felt duty bound to believe in. Apparently,
I was born on the outer margins of the book of life. In my early teens all
pretenses collapsed. I lost faith in every social construct I knew about. My conceptual
reality imploded, dissolved into dust, and blew away in the wind. I tried
desperately to keep this from happening, prayed until I overheated, and instead
of feeling confident that my prayers went to the right office, I knew they
never made it through the ceiling of my bedroom where I prayed in secret each
night. Then one day, the Devil laughed out loud at me and made it clear that
all my prayers would just bounce off the ceiling because he had surrounded me
with an invisible net and would never let them get through. Since then, I’ve
come to regard the devil as god’s shadow, in the Jungian sense of the word, and
both are concepts incased in a culturally generated belief system.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve told this story before from various angles, but it has
taken many years to accept two basic facts about myself. I’m afraid of
exposure, and I’ll never escape exposure. It actually is my fate. I’m ashamed
to say that I’ve had to live a long time before accepting that struggling
through contradictions is the engine that drives me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is my karma that must be repurposed into
dharma. I’ve also come to believe that determining the basic conflict in one’s
life and accepting it as one’s life work is the engine of creative progress. That
is why we are in this mud ball again and again and again until our personal
dilemma is resolved, and we can graduate to the next level. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Along with that recognition comes the concept
that God is continuously creating the universe, and we humans exist as products,
tools, and organs of the master. We are important in the creation of our world,
and perhaps our little world and its siblings comprise an atom in the cosmos. A
crude image perhaps, but a starting point that worked for me. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The me who cries out in pain, frustration, and fear, is God
within me generating the will and impetus to progress through the many broken pieces
crushed along the road to a better model and more encompassing reality. It is
the birthing pains of the next reiteration of Gaia, and Gaia is a cell in the great
cosmic body. On that note, I’m going to propose that atheism is a necessary
step in the process of God’s evolution in the human soul. Our version of God is
never God, but much less, can only be less. The only problem with atheism is the
human propensity to make of it another belief system with an orthodoxy encased
in tight wrappings. Right now, that orthodoxy is called Scientific Materialism.
In academia, it is dangerous to go against the tenets of membership in this
religion in which the old-time religion of the regressive masses is the devil.
There is always a devil. He (usually he in our tradition) is necessary for a
proper drama. After all, duality is the engine of creation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m proposing that we are religious because we as humans are
in a difficult stage of our evolution that places us between two (possibly
more) levels of influence. We are influenced by an expanding experience of existence
that connects us to trans-dimensional cosmic frequencies pushing us toward greater
conceptual complexity on our evolutionary journey.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And yet, we still have one foot in gross
matter as we are being compelled toward a more multidimensional state of being.
Perhaps, another way of conceptualizing God is as a cosmic force that exists
within everything but can be hypothesized as willful intention. What I’m trying
to say is that creation is an endless process. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was just listening to a podcast discussion between two
famous atheists, Christopher Hitchens, and Richard Dawkins, about the problems
with religion and how much safer and just the world would be without religion.
I understand their wish, but of course, there is an intellectual and emotional
imperative behind their concern that is based on the enormous damage done to
our world and each other in the name of religion. Generally, these religious
disputes are based on the absurdity of two groups who each believe the other is
an abomination to God’s plan for humanity and must be converted or eliminated. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can paraphrase a common saying as, “a miss
is as good as an eternity”. All I can say about the argument that the world
would be better off without religion is, it ain’t gon’na happen. The best we
can do is look through religion as a conceptual process in the attempt to
understand where we fit as a species in relationship to everything else. In
that sense, even theoretical physics is a religion and mathematics is its language.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When Nietzsche said, “God is dead” he was recognizing that God
dies at the end of every evolutionary stage. The God inside the human mind must
die again and again. God is also resurrected again and again. Was Jesus really
God? Yes, and no! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I perceive the death
of Jesus as the making of Christ. And those who understood recognized that the
Christ within Jesus recognized that we are all sons and daughters of God, and
we have the opportunity to be born again and again and again just as God is the
trans cosmic force of creative evolution. Will this world come to an end?
Probably, just as each end is like the cosmic snake Ouroboros always swallowing
its tail. And is this just a tale? Of course, it is, all tales are part of the artistic
urge of creative forces within, and all barely miss their goal which is constantly
just beyond reach. These are merely my thoughts on the ineffable, which can
never be pinned down. I will keep writing where I live, as comments on the
margins of the book of life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Namaste</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-12734127502679324042023-07-21T21:59:00.000-06:002023-07-21T23:32:57.337-06:00MOODS! EXPLORING LIFE’S SHIPWRECKS <!--Include the Google Friend Connect javascript library.-->
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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mso-para-margin-left:0in;
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<p class="MsoNormal">I live alone with only a little contact via internet and
phone with the outside world. I know I’m inwardly generating an upgraded
version of me every day and every moment. I have never been in exactly this
version of life before. Of course, there were similar conditions, but never in
the unique environment I now inhabit. The outer world continues to change,
different skills are required, and different weaknesses are exposed. But never at
this time, nor between this particular day’s earth and sky before.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB2l8knumNF7X1erIOSsA3K4x0EIb26G-8a0QCfmcwJ_1ifmknApTn31U2av5xpYGvNAItZRKrIvkmlBYPgglsCz0WcL2lerFBN0IWia8KscEDOCsSg5QZkZIGCVNLPXH6d5IHYOQ9Wo3A3_JvbbgCzxNToEBr1qhLcAcPmr9rTBccsgrNe95-Y6858T3n/s3493/IMG_0112-copy-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3493" data-original-width="2505" height="304" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjB2l8knumNF7X1erIOSsA3K4x0EIb26G-8a0QCfmcwJ_1ifmknApTn31U2av5xpYGvNAItZRKrIvkmlBYPgglsCz0WcL2lerFBN0IWia8KscEDOCsSg5QZkZIGCVNLPXH6d5IHYOQ9Wo3A3_JvbbgCzxNToEBr1qhLcAcPmr9rTBccsgrNe95-Y6858T3n/w217-h304/IMG_0112-copy-2.jpg" width="217" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Rio Grande Angel Blessing the tare in Gaia<br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr></tbody></table>I just walked around outside. It is hot, but not as hot as
it was yesterday. Today there are beautiful cumulus clouds against a dazzling
blue Taos sky that I’ve never seen in just this way before. The grass is
getting tall, but I feel no compulsion to mow it down on a hot day in July. As
I watch the hollyhocks arriving at their peak beauty, each in its own time, the
flying insects are busy doing their own business with the flowers, unaware of
the busy ants on the ground, or the grasshoppers that seem to automatically
know that I’m a potential danger. I assure them I won’t eat them, but I don’t
like the way they strip a flower of leaves in a few hours. We all have our place
and understand each other’s potential for good or ill concerning our own
interests. This amazing being I call earth, or Gaia is full of dramas, wars,
agreements, partnerships, and a ripple of brutal results when someone in
nature’s core-de-ballet falls out of step with the music. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yesterday I felt a strange unfettered dis-ease of
apprehension about this same world that looks beautiful today. I’ve wondered
many times how long I will be in this transitional state that resulted in my past
memories and present situation thrown together in an alchemical stew pot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m stretching to reach that new, as yet
unknown version of me that challenges my thread bare ego version. Anything can
change everything. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Perhaps coming into this lifetime with the Moon conjunct
Jupiter rising in the sign of Cancer makes changing moods a major concern for
me. It could be seen as a flaw, but that depends on how it’s used.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Moods are full of hidden content. They are generated
by memory, but we seldom trace them back to their source. Often the situation
that aroused the mood sank long ago to the dark bottom of our emotional sea to
remain invisible until something stirs the quiet mud encasing them. However, we
usually attribute the mood to something that stirs a surface ripple of emotion without
reaching down to its source in the muddy bottom of our past. Instead, our
imagination generates an ego approved substitute. Generally, it’s some version
of “kicking the dog.” </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Living in this house
and its surroundings by myself, without PQ’s presence and the buzz surrounding him,
cast me into a confrontation between my pre-PQ self and post-PQ identity. In
both I lived alone, except for a four-legged companion or two. However, much to
my surprise, I’m not the same person I was before we became partners. In the time
between, I not only added more years to my history, but my emotional living
room had been refurnished piece by piece. It was so gradual I hadn’t noticed,
and then he left, and both I and the house were strangers to each other. We are
now building a new relationship. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although I’m not proud of my darker moods, I’ve come to
respect their source. Moods reveal the path to hidden resources. Taking my sea
metaphor further, they are a sonar revelation of sunken treasures. The best
stuff is often buried deep, and it’s covered in rust and barnacles, with scary
critters swimming around the hull. Don’t be deceived by fear or pride, among
the hidden treasures are utensils and tools you never knew you had. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although it generates intense thoughts and
fears it safe keeps a hidden treasure.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The two years since PQ left for his new assignment, a
trickster has challenged most of my unexamined beliefs. I’ve tried to go easy
on my very limited income, and unexpected expenses jumped out of the shadows. I
tightened the belt, gave thanks for my good health and reliable car. Next, I
lost an important piece of extra income. Strangely, I wasn’t particularly
upset, and I actually wanted to be free of the attachment that went with it.
However, it will have to be replaced somehow. This brings up the reason it happened
now. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve always felt like a reader’s comment on the margin of a
book. There has never been a page or even paragraph for me in the text. I can
do things for other people that I don’t feel authorized to do for myself. I
didn’t go to high school, took a couple of years’ worth of college, but didn’t
have the resources to go further and then talked my way into my first job working
for an oil company. That gave me enough money for independence from the family
home, but not much else. Since then, I’ve stumbled from one cliff hanger to the
next, and always managed to survive. It now makes sense why I had so many
dreams in childhood and adolescence of running from a torrent raging down what began
as a bubbling stream. I am standing on the bank and suddenly it is being
swallowed by a flood. I scramble with all the strength I can muster, and barely
make it to solid ground. But of course, the ground never stays solid for very
long. <br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t want to do this anymore! In one sense, it’s the
human condition, or just the condition of life on earth. However, I realize
it’s about more than physical survival. Maybe it’s time to find the next step
and do more than barely survive. I’m old enough to think about existence beyond
this 3-D world. I want to use my remaining time wisely and I’d rather not come
back with a bag of issues to correct.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Today, I’m grateful that the world is very strange, but
beautiful and I’m using this unfamiliar circumstance to prepare for whatever is
on the way. None of my plans ever worked out the way I hoped for, so I’m
turning it over to the Cosmic Planner and his/her staff.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(I may need to be reminded of this decision
now and then).</p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-17160166447961249292023-07-04T23:56:00.000-06:002023-07-04T23:56:40.820-06:00CREATING A WORLD AND THOUGHTS ON GOD<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I write in my journal every day, but it has been a struggle
to leave the world of inner exploration to remake my place in the outer world. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Actually, one of my earlier identities is rising to the top after a long absence. So much to sort out, but my greatest desire is to find the bridge to my new life. It is rising out of another life time, and is surprising me. <br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t believe God once created our world or its celestial environment.
The longer I live and contemplate our earthly situation, the more obvious it
seems that we are constantly bubbling in a pot of divine alchemical elixir. Perhaps
the cosmos is expanding constantly, but what does that mean when we are just tiny
electrons orbiting the nucleus of a minute atom, reiterated again and again and
again. Our human beliefs and actions inspired by previous beliefs will change
constantly as the cosmos expands both within and without. But how can we compare
expansion when we earth beings continually expand in tandem with our evolving cosmos.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In a hologram, expansion is only revealed by
the continuous display of more and finer details within the form. I believe
that it is the multi-faceted details that reveal the infinite design of the
cosmic artist. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Energy is a mysterious force that we experience and use
every day, but we can’t see it, only witness its effects, and then trace it
back to the event where we experienced the effect. God is a loaded word that elicits
fear, fascination, hope, suspicion, and doubt, but I regard all of those
experiences as the result of an effect that reveals itself to be as mysterious
and ineffable as energy. Or could it be that energy is also a primary attribute
of God. I’ll attempt to describe my current version of the God experience. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">God occurs both within and without this entity we experience
as self. God is the background, energy source, and mystery that exists on both
sides of the boundary between knowing and yearning to know. God is a short word
for the continuous process of becoming. Creation is continuous. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m not referring to the God in the Torah, the
Bible, or the Koran. That God is something of a shape shifter due to his,
(usually he but sometimes with the help of she) direct involvement in war,
politics the acquisition of subjects, territory, and at other times, paradoxically
a judge of human behavior, and misbehavior. That is God created in our own
image and likeness (or was it the other way around in some distant past when we
were naïve victims of a cosmic invader that we wrongly mistook for the big boss
creator, and we haven’t outgrown the influence of this early version, God 1.0.
Perhaps that is why we ended up separating God from the labels accompanying the
image.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We may have made up both the good
and bad ones, but we got the idea somewhere. Don’t say psychology because that
just begs the question. However, it makes no sense to attribute the creation of
our world let alone the Cosmos to this shifty God. While on some level, we may have
been made in the image and likeness of God or inferior low-resolution gods, our
ancestry seems confused and tainted. I think it is easier to sort out if we
recognize that there are layers of reality and time moves in two directions. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We humans are surprisingly mysterious creatures who also
live in a holographic universe. The meaning of God in the holographic sense, is
that we are all interconnected multi-dimensional pieces of God. “We are all
related” is a Lakota Indian principle and it contains everything. If we zoom
our mind beyond this earth, this vibrational dimension we find ourselves at the
crossroad between now and the infinite. I pray often and yet there is a
difference between the “help me” prayers and the prayers of tuning into that
sweet powerful knowing that happens when I step across the border of ego-self
and find myself in the company of my trans-dimensional family. I am at those
times having a family reunion with those before me and sharing them with the
world I’m on my way to meet. It gives another level to “we are all related.”</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Today is the Fourth of July and the fireworks are going off
in all directions. It terrifies the dogs and cats, maybe the wild rabbits,
prairie dogs and coyotes, also.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All the
torture comes from something they don’t understand. Imagine the effects of
human war if you were an animal living in Ukraine right now. A terrorizing god
that doesn’t take our limitations into consideration is the experience of many.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My Native American husband never watched
fireworks. Now I understand why. There is more than one kind of light and fire,
and it all depends on whether you are dishing it out or having it forced on
you. In order for creation to transcend the lower plains, we must take our place
as cosmic waves in the lake of becoming.</p><!--Include the Google Friend Connect javascript library.-->
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-61454672274056686702023-04-20T23:06:00.023-06:002023-04-21T14:55:23.507-06:00Gender Dysphoria, Why Now? <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"></span></b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">I remember
my first experience of someone surgically changing her gender. I was about
thirty-three years old, and most of the people now opting for the actual
medical procedure were not yet born. A couple undergoing the change had originally
been two females. This occurred in a psychology class, and while we all admired
their courage and determination to go through the grueling surgeries and hormonal
treatments, it was still very rare, and I’ll admit that it seemed odd to me
that these two who had started as a same sex couple would decide to be a
heterosexual couple at such great cost. I realize now that I thought they were
either undecided about who they were, or else wanted to have a unique and special
impact as a couple. The wow! Effect.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Standing Deer’s exit from this 3-D world has given
me uninterrupted access to YouTube, and I’ve had time to catch up on some of
the looming social issues. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been watching psychologists, educators,
and the subjects themselves discussing the increase in medical sex change
procedures among young people. Many of them are in their early teens when a
sense of identity and one’s place in the world are still developing. Of course,
that is also a time of life when we are willing to make deep and often
courageous dives into ideas and actions far beyond the safety of social
constructs accepted in childhood. It is a time of questioning normalcy and
exploring one’s new body and mind. In line with the questioning, is a tendency
to make decisions that feel brave and right at a time of very limited experience
yet can reframe the rest of one’s life. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However,
I was troubled by the ease with which professionals can approve something as permanently
life changing as a sex-reassignment and are even required to legally support
such a decision made by an adolescent. Making permanent decisions about changing
something as core as one’s gender identity during such a tumultuous stage of personal
development in the setting of a world in tumult seems overloaded with personal risk.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">There is a
growing discontent among many young people with their assigned gender at birth,
given the many flaws in our socially assigned roles. Perhaps this is an
indication that a critical time has arrived to sort out the natural values
attached to gender roles, and what is socially worn out and won’t work for the
world that is coming. Nevertheless, we can never be free of all nature’s assignments
as long as we live within this physical vibration. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Science has imbued us moderns with a goal of unlimited
freedom to choose one’s role in life, including one’s physical role.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These two, in my opinion, often wrongly
coupled issues seem to be approaching a dangerously confused entanglement. It
is even becoming a legal issue. I’ll propose that freedoms exist to enhance the
creative progress of the universe. Yet, how do we determine progress, or the
differences between progress and dissolution? When are the base rules of
existence in the universe being disregarded? Is nature even allowed a voice? Or
is the hubris of scientific materialism and the belief that we humans are the
ultimate authority in the universe a done deal. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Gender is
one of the primal dualities of life, and nature doesn’t function without
duality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, it is being regarded
increasingly as a matter of personal choice, rather than a choice made for us
by Mother Nature. This impresses me as very dangerous, because nature has an
intelligent wisdom based on a complete ecosystem developed over eons of time
and tested with infinitely more rigor than human scientists, sociologists, and
psychotherapists could produce in the short timespan and limited experience of
their existence, not to mention philosophical arrogance. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Duality is perhaps
the first basic feature of existence on this dimension, and it involves every
aspect of life and even the source of life. The interface of opposites is
literally the engine of creation. It seems to me that much of society and even
sociology and psychology is confusing individual experience and an artificial social
construct with innate reality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Duality
is not only a reproductive mode of nature, that involves all of life from the
simplest to the most complex but is truly cosmic. There are simple life forms that
carry within themselves both male and female reproductive functions, but they
are still operating within a dual system. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Of course,
Gender Dysphoria, the dissatisfaction with one’s gender of birth, and identity
with the opposite gender is not the denial of duality, but the belief that
nature has misassigned which side of the sexual distinction one was born into
because an individual experiences social identity and physical body as inverted.
Some individuals even believe that they were wrongly reborn into a gender that was
attached to them as a karmic malalignment, with a body they were wrongly
assigned.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just don’t believe in mistaken
births or rebirths. If you came back in a gender you don’t want, it’s because
there is something you need to understand or explore for your completion as a
person and a cell in the body of Gaia. However, after many centuries of gender
inequality, and rigid roles based not on nature’s values but on distortions of culture
and religion. It is not surprising that in this time of re-examination and
doubt, many feel that something essential is yearning to come out. They are
right, but where can the young (and not so young) find reliable guidance? Can
the problem be solved surgically on the body when it arises from a soul’s desire
to understand and heal the painful rift between the sexes?</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">However, I’m
concerned there is great potential danger in choosing one’s gender with the
ego, which is so vulnerable to seductive cultural trends and historic
impositions. Part of our modern hubris is the notion that the ability to do
something technically is the same as clearance to do whatever one’s ego chooses,
and intellect can accomplish.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both sexes
have been misused socially. Both male and female are of natural design, but within
a healthy and creative duality there must be balance and equal value. I believe
our current confusion is the result of ages of inequality and crippling gender
assignments. There are many values and abilities from both sexes that are
repressed or exploited to accommodate artificial cultural beliefs that go
against nature. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A sex change may be more
unusual, but not necessarily more unnatural than some of our more common impositions
on the natural world. As I write this, I’m being reminded that to even speak of
nature as a thing, is to behave as if it’s outside my skin.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;">Our modern
world is culturally destitute regarding natural symmetry, and I personally
believe this is the source of many current problems including climate change,
constant war, exploitation of natural resources, the mechanization of
creativity and human interaction, and the rule of an artificial value such as
money over all natural entities. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
is a powerful flow of creative energy back and forth between opposites, Thus,
positive, and negative functions act throughout the cosmos. However, when they
become chronically and systemically unequal, they begin breaking up the
encompassing structure.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our perception
is tilting at a dangerous angle and gender confusion is just one of many symptoms
of a world put out of kilter by disrespect for the existence of cosmic laws. Ego
is a tool and was never meant to be a master. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; line-height: 107%;"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; mso-outline-level: 1; text-align: center;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-font-kerning: 18.0pt;">The Second Coming</span></b></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">By </span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><a href="https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poets/william-butler-yeats"><span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">William Butler Yeats</span></a></span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Turning and turning in the widening gyre</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The falcon cannot hear the falconer;</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Things fall apart</span></u><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">; the centre cannot hold;</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and
everywhere</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The ceremony of innocence is drowned;</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The best lack all conviction, while the worst</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Are full of passionate intensity.</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Surely some revelation is at hand;</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Surely the Second Coming is at hand.</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The Second Coming! Hardly are those words out</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When a vast image out of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Spiritus Mundi</i></span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Troubles my sight: somewhere in sands of the
desert</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A shape with lion body and the head of a man,</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun,</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Is moving its slow thighs, while all about it</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Reel shadows of the indignant desert birds.</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The darkness drops again; but now I know</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That twenty centuries of stony sleep</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Were vexed to nightmare by a rocking cradle,</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And what rough beast, its hour come round at
last,</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center; text-indent: -12.0pt;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Source: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Collected Poems of W. B. Yeats</i>
(1989)</span></p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">W. B. Yeats wrote The Second Coming in
1919, after WWI. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I see our present world
view smack in the center of the world he is describing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The past is never gone in a timeless
dimension.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Lion and the Lamb are always
among us, with us, are us. The best and the worst are always ours to choose. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But belief in our own invented truth brought
culture after culture down, throughout history and prehistory. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Our political entities are becoming so
polarized that neither will go anywhere near the truth. What are conservatives
conserving and what are liberals setting free? Neither shutting out changes and
progress nor removing all social and natural forms is functional. Unless there
is respectful dialogue in a sincere search for the best compromise, there is
only endless blaming. If we care to have effective dialogue, we each must
respect the Cosmic intelligence that brought us into being and respect the
duality that charges the universe. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
ignore the basis of creation is to invite the bull of chaos into this earth house
to rearrange the cosmic furniture. Is this the only way we will respect our
source. Must we take down the house of Gaia. There are many stories from past
cultures about such a hard restart. This is our school; will we pass this test?
</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 0in;"><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> Freedom and progress must come from a
source above our mortal perspective, or we have a crumbling stone on which to build
our home. “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><u>Things fall apart</u></i>.”
</span></p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-22908407904824907182023-01-24T22:35:00.012-07:002023-01-24T23:08:28.407-07:00IS THE WORLD STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.25in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"> My head is reeling from<span></span> the onslaught of YouTube conspiracy
theories. There seems to be no tail or top to the speculations, but a great
deal of creative thinking. So, I started reflecting on the dangers involved in
creating or subscribing to a version of the world and one’s place in it, while
trying to sort out reality from so many competing “truths” surging like a sea over
the internet. Of course, our culture, age, political leaning, and even
unconscious fears and biases, influence our vulnerability to a particular theory.
Each story advertises astonishing, newly revelations. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These stories are fervently embraced with conviction
that each one is the real deal. It reminds me of childhood when forbidden and
scandalous secrets were a thrilling high that also gave the informer a notch up
in social status. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most children love
Halloween and scary stories. Adulthood just makes the stories scarier. Adults also
like to show off their scary stories to friends, relatives, and companions in the
great work of correcting wrong thinkers with secret knowledge. Who doesn’t want
to be in advance of misinformation. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.25in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">We have religious fundamentalists, atheists, politicos, the
latest news sources, and conspiracy theorists all competing to come up with the
best scary story and it must contain a stunning revelation of who is really to
blame and who will be gifted by believers with the wow prize. It must give the
believers in the know a satisfying buzz of self-righteousness, or it’s
worthless. Once you know the secret, your sense of importance and social status
will soar as a member of the informed elite. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, much of humanity doesn’t claim
membership in any particular group of knowers, but if they are connected to
media (and who isn’t) they may still want to ignore the buzz. ignorance is either
bliss or laziness, at least for a while, and then it feels vulnerable and dangerously
out of the loop. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what can we do
about the awful possibilities. Many moderns live without religion but don’t
care enough to be atheists. Yet they keep the God slot open as a potential
resource in serious trouble just in case God is real and still taking calls
from the confused and desperate. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.25in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">The viral pandemic of fear, suspicion, and accusation, one
finds with a casual check in on YouTube is a virtual tsunami of suspicion, and paranoid
responses. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps the devil is busy
running the government, (or, at least the other political party).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Big Pharma, the media, the World Economic Forum,
the health system, police, the pandemic, the internet, the Secret Government, China,
Russia, and more rich guys and scientists than I can recall also make popular suspects.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>These are just a few of the enemy. It is
progressively more competitive as everyone believes their right to exist is
under attack by malevolent secret forces. Some are exotic such as aliens from
other star systems who have taken control of the military. It used to be the
Illuminati, but they seem to have fallen in popularity. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what if the enemy is hidden in plain
sight, and the words alien, conspiracy, and secret just add a sparkle of glamour.
Wow, what did I say? I just remembered that the word, “glamour”, originally
meant the hypnotic spell of a magician which causes the subject to see whatever
the magician wishes he or she to see. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Seems
like a perfect description of our current environment to me.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.25in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">Are we really fighting for the survival of the world and our
way of life, or are we split between our personal image of a Golden Idol, and its
evil opposition. Who is this Golden Idol? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We give him (usually him) our precious hopes, beliefs,
and all that we value. He has godlike powers. Oh yes! I almost forgot; he is a working
image of God. Well, how about that! We create God in our own image and likeness
and give him (usually him), our most precious powers. Then we hope he will
return them if we grovel at his gilded feet, forgetting that we made him in <u>our
own image</u> and likeness. Here we mimick the Biblical creation story;
“God created man in the image of himself in the image of God he created him, (sound
familiar?) male and female he created them.” (Genesis: 1:26. The Jerusalem
Bible).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But just before that statement,
we get: “God said, ‘Let <u>us</u> make man in <u>our</u> own image, in the
likeness of ourselves and let them be masters of the fish of the sea, the birds
of heaven, the cattle, all wild beasts, and every kind of land reptile. God saw
that it was good”. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>(It seems there is
some confusion here between God single and Gods, plural. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m no bible scholar, but it looks like we
have two different concepts of who is really in charge, here.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The scholars may have sorted it out, but the
rest of us aren’t sure what we are dealing with. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are both of those Gods on the same page, even
if there are too many of them. Seems like the Israelites weren’t too sure who
was in charge either. Was there a war in heaven that thinned out the God
population? Were we conquered by high-tech aliens whom we assumed were gods.
How much did it change the political environment? When did the Hebrews update
their concept of who is in charge of the big picture. Then again, maybe we were
a little outpost that was finally given its own ruler. Obviously, on the world
stage this hasn’t been settled and religion is still a popular topic of war. Or
maybe the Galactic Federation is giving us more time to sort it out on our own,
even though we seem to be getting more confused. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.25in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">Then a Big voice says, I’m using you humans to move around in this
material sphere, that I’ve congealed from my will.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because you are a thought-being, and that is
your limitation, you must have duality. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Duality
is the first stage of creation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If it
wasn’t so, you and I wouldn’t be having this back and forth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even no-thing is duality, “no and thing”. I’m
sorry that my creation seems self-destructive, (is that an oxymoron?) but it’s
not as bad as you think, living in time, as you do. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m sorry that <u>no</u>, overtakes <u>thing</u>,
in your history, and you start fighting with each other over issues that hearken
back to the same desires.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s just that
you become totally identified with one side or the other and haven’t learned to
work with cosmic motion. Surely you know that you can’t even take a step
without going from balance to imbalance to balance. That’s life! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>An example of creative motion for you bipeds
is to not get stuck permanently on either left foot or right foot. </p><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjqmY0G_VCerkA8RTZcc2ioJF-D6U_fBs-Tlls-T41BAMDHGEbw7GjZRzrz2y_dGAuckQVQnaYRhpFCxGT02GU_U73Jj5gwvaak0BU-MQh1H9WGyg68oIfQLPjtmO2ywASa8ncOBAIqcCfjdoKl4Def5eLdQNtaN_7M5nUNuA3xuceSSGqGp_9IWrkm6Q" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img alt="" data-original-height="870" data-original-width="1000" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjqmY0G_VCerkA8RTZcc2ioJF-D6U_fBs-Tlls-T41BAMDHGEbw7GjZRzrz2y_dGAuckQVQnaYRhpFCxGT02GU_U73Jj5gwvaak0BU-MQh1H9WGyg68oIfQLPjtmO2ywASa8ncOBAIqcCfjdoKl4Def5eLdQNtaN_7M5nUNuA3xuceSSGqGp_9IWrkm6Q" width="276" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mother Earth Dreaming the World<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 0.25in; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">You are made by the momentum of first cause into duality, as you
must be. Duality is the first stage of creation. You must have duality, or your
Sun wouldn’t shine—literally, it would just be void on void. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, here we are at the beginning of another round.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where do you start the beginning of a circle.
The ancients used the image of Uroboros, that snake swallowing its tail, beyond
<u>for</u>, and beyond <u>ever</u>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey,
I just thought of something. The circle isn’t dual, but describing it is. Now I
think we’ve gone as far as we can go with language. In fact, I keep running
into language limits that evaporate into absurdity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m just making the point that everything
exists because we experience it against some backdrop. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">Next, I ask, does everything really have to
be the opposite of something?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t there
be good and good? Sure, that would just be good and another good, but they
wouldn’t be contrast. In other words, they wouldn’t give us something to define
good against. Two words, but not duality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>What about the word God? Isn’t God supposed to be first cause, and that
isn’t dual. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Right, the word God originated
from good, and God isn’t dual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you
sure of that? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you read the Old
Testament? I’m joking now, sort of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You
can see that to describe anything, there must be a contrasting backdrop, in
your mind if nowhere else, or you have imperceptibility. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, God is love, and love is the glue
that causes opposites to find each other and work together. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A more complex version of duality, hopefully a
notch higher, but you can see right away that higher suggests lower, even if it
isn’t mentioned when defining the difference between a scene and its background.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>On the other side is the logic that the
parts are necessarily related to a whole and that isn’t dual. Otherwise, they
wouldn’t be parts. This is beginning to feel like a maze, and I’m getting a
headache. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">Next, I’m being assured, that I’m only
confused because I’m thinking in a motionless way. So, it’s our choice that
starts the movement leading to interaction. The two returns to one, again and
again. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Wars separate, and yet they bond members of a warring group to each other, which might be one of the cruder motives for war. Not
in the best way, but it indicates that it’s not possible to exist without
bonding. Now, I’m coming back to the snake that bites its tail, or is it more
like a dog chasing its tail? All these conspiracy theories may be dividing the
world into admittedly paranoid groups attempting to identify a proper enemy,
and the enemies may have a lot of “glamour” attached, yet they are also
bringing people together and that provides a sense of belonging and value in a
world that treats living beings as pawns in a game in which most of us are not given
much value. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Unfortunately, we are
deflected from the real source of our complaints for the sake of someone else’s benefit.
We become afraid of what we are in the habit of fearing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You might say the devil is a savvy
psychologist. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">Now how did the devil get into this
conversation? Well, he comes in the image and likeness of whomever we fear. But
he certainly is a clever shape shifter. Unlike God, he is created in someone
else’s image and likeness. However, there is a kind of love/fear relationship
with humans. He’s an idol made of fool’s gold, but he has a pretty good shine,
and isn’t a good image enough for success?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>He (usually he) knows a lot about how to make it in our world. More importantly,
he also made a world in his own image and likeness, and he’s a good salesman.
We humans secretly admire him. He has a lot of sway, and he seems more
approachable than that “Golden Idol”, bad boys are sexy!</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">This is getting confusing. Don’t we worship
the Golden Idol so that he (usually he) will protect us from the evil one--that
one made of fool’s gold and charisma? Now I’m beginning to suspect both of
shape shifting. It’s getting harder to tell them apart. Twin brothers, you say.
Of course. They are both made after the image and likeness of you humans.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Hey! How did you get into this conversation,
and who are you anyway, and how do you know? You say you were there when they
were born to Mother Earth and Father Sky?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Thanks for reminding me that brothers often fight a lot. What side are
you on? I need to know. How can I know what side to take in this family feud.
We humans are being treated like pawns in a chess game, and we need help. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">Stop that! You just turned into a whole army
of clones. He, she, it, I can’t tell what you are, your gender, or even your
species. Are you aliens from another star system?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What! You aren’t anybody, just an image of me
in a kaleidoscope and all you did was give it a turn. You’re trying to make a
point, aren’t you? You aren’t anybody and you just emphasized the difference
between any and body. Now I’m more confused. You’re giving me no-thing to hang
onto. No-thing to see in a mirror. No-thing in here, and no-thing out there. Without
here, there disappears too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, please
God, what am I saying? This is total madness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Now I’m afraid there isn’t anything real, not even you. What are you? I
know you are playing tricks on me, but how could you do that if you aren’t
real?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">Now what! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can feel it coming on. You’re about to tell
me no-thing is all there is and creation, including me, is all about making
things up. You say: “well, everything has to start somewhere, and you see the
problem is that no-thing starts from no-where. It’s called, you say, in our
very inadequate language, the ineffable.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">So, I am the source of no-thing, and I’m
talking to you which makes us two now and then many, many, many, etc. You say I
am part of you, and thus also, every-thing. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s really making my little data processor smoke.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now, this is getting crazy, like that symbol
of a snake biting its tail forever, Ouroboros, I think it’s called. An ancient
symbol that makes me dizzy. Oh, oh, I just noticed that someone else entered this
highly confusing conversation a while ago. This one talks up a few more abstract
levels and is even more confusing. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">This one says, “I can scatter into particles
of light and be a reflection within you and inside any one of my sensational designs.
I unveil the sparks you are made of. I’m using you, to move around in this material that I’ve congealed, although that’s also an illusion. You see, I’m
showing you that duality is the only way you can notice yourself, or anything
else. That’s right, no duality, no you. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Okay,
you made me up, but that means that I’m part of you. Of course, how could it be
otherwise, I am the cause of all. You reflect me, because I made you, (I’m
still making you) but you have a small data processor, and I don’t think we can
get much further before you overheat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Maybe in a few of your generations, you will be upgraded, but will that
really make any difference with the ineffable. But I’ll tell you that I AM
everything and can disperse into particles of light and form, and I made you
able to see them so that I could see bits of myself reflected in you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, I can’t be confined by the limited
perceptive ability of one of my creations. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%; margin-bottom: 12.0pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: 6.0pt; margin: 6pt 0in 12pt;">Now I’m wondering, could bewilderment be part
of the grand creative process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is chaos
like turning the Kaleidoscope for a new design perhaps? Next, I sense a
presence from behind the veil of light. Maybe the mind tricks are genuine signs
that an update is required. But how could you suggest that if you aren’t
real?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course! I can feel it coming, now
you’re going to tell me creation including me, is exactly about making things
up. I can hear you thinking: Everything has to start somewhere, and you see,
the magic is it all comes from no-where.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>That is your potential as one of the light rays in my holographic
creation. For that purpose, I put all that is and will be into time. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">Now I I’m beginning to understand. I
joked about too many gods earlier, but it appears that creation involves a duality.
There is the Source and his partner, the mysterious darkness (always she) from where
every-thing must come. Please don’t be afraid of the dark, or of mystery and
the great unknown. Its all we have, and its everything.</p><p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 150%;">To be continued when I get smarter.<br /></p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-5312820757530562942022-11-12T21:30:00.018-07:002022-11-12T22:21:48.464-07:00DEATH COMES TO THE WEEPING WILLOW--<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
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<p class="MsoNormal">It has been losing leaves and branches since my next-door
neighbor Julie abandoned it three years ago. It was on her property but most of
the branches leaned over the fence and sheltered my house from the midday sun.
It was once magnificent, but the drought and neglect of recent years were
gradually killing it. I hoped it could be saved and ran water to it several
times this summer yet feared it would never return to its former beauty. The renters
paid no attention to plant life.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Julie passed away last year a few days before my husband PQ
(Pba-Quen-Nee-ee) left his body to journey into a mystery I couldn’t share. My
reality was already reeling. How could this be! She was beautiful, young, and
kind. She left her house when she remarried, and although she had grown children,
she recently gave birth to an infant. She was my next-door neighbor when I
moved here sixteen years ago, and her landscaping inspired me. However, as the
years went by, it became apparent that there were too many trees competing for
space. Two aspens near the weeping willow died from overwhelm. In the back yard
were two globe willows and a plumb tree. It was like a small forest and the magpies
loved it as did the neighborhood cats. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At one time Julie had several free-range chickens
who talked to us in the morning when we had coffee on the patio. The green view
outside the living room window took my imagination to the realm of nature
spirits. How many places in Taos can one experience the protective umbrella of
a deciduous forest? In the early days, Julie also had a small fishpond near the
Latia fence between our houses and its fountain burbled like a mountain stream.
Then she left and the whole property fell into depression.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Julie’s grown children put the house on the market a year ago,
and a new owner moved in last week. She is a friendly, talkative woman who got
right to work getting improvements under way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Of course, she has no history with the house or neighborhood. We talked
a bit about its history. She had experts come in to repair the roof, and fix cracks
in the stucco, then three mornings ago I heard power saws during my meditation
and journal time. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart sank and I
ran out to see if what I feared was true. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Two young men were taking down one of the globe willows. “Well,
that one was too many.” I hoped it would end there, but soon the most athletic
guy was climbing the other larger tree, taking down the top branches. I kept
hoping it was just a pruning, but within forty minutes both trees were down to
the ground and the property looked naked. Then they started on the big weeping
willow in the front. I felt stunned with sorrow tinged with rage. But all this
time I knew the tree was doomed. My world was being redesigned, and I could do
nothing about it, and besides I had no right to feel the way I did. My rights
and preferences stopped at the fence and no amount of sentimental attachment
mattered. I was identifying with those trees. Did it bring back the primal struggle
between me and my dad about the great Cottonwood in our backyard? That tree was
my source of solace. In the evening, when I couldn’t hold the tension in our
house, I would go to the far end of our property where the cottonwood stood beside
an old cinder block chicken coop, repurposed for storage. It was quiet and I
would climb atop the cinder block building, lay with my back on the roof and
stare up through the cottonwood’s branches, its leaves softly flickered with moonlight
shimmers. Peace returned!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Dad and I had a complicated relationship. Mom tried to
mediate, but ultimately, she took Dad’s side. If I loved something, Dad automatically
wanted to kill it or remove it. That included trees, cats, and toys. I got to
keep my wagon because it was useful for gardening. I had many dreams of
defending the Cottonwood tree from dad’s determination to destroy it. As soon
as I left home, he cut it down. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As an adult, I learned that dad had been his mother’s mule while
his older sister and brothers were treated like show horses. Such an unfairness
cuts deep for generations, and life rips the scab off an old wound again and
again. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I moved into my present home in August 2006. The next spring,
I bought a baby aspen tree and planted it. I had to be careful with money, so planned
to buy another one the next year and plant them near each other, as aspens
often grow in clusters. When I went to pick up the new aspen, PQ dropped by and
offered his help and his pickup truck. We went to the garden store where I’d
left my new aspen, but he thought I could do better. He’d seen a more robust
one in another row. That was okay by me, so we went with his choice since they
were the same price. I planted it near the first one and all was well until another
year went by. At that point I noticed that something was wrong. Sure enough, it
wasn’t an aspen at all, it was a cottonwood. As seedlings, they look much
alike. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I decided to keep it. Cottonwoods
grow very large, but it was in a good location and thus the Cottonwood spirit found
me again via my hayoka medicine carrier boyfriend. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The two species tolerated each other for eight years. The
aspen grew faster at first, but then sadly the Cottonwood found its spirit
and surged upward. One year, I noticed the aspen’s leaves were turning brown
and falling off. By the end of summer, it was dead, and sadly we had to remove
it. That was one of the last physical things PQ and I did together before his
lungs became too weak. Meanwhile, the Cottonwood shot up to meet the sky over the
next three years. It was magnificent and I loved it. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then the year before PQ began his exit dance, the Cottonwood’s
lower branches began to drop their leaves. I cut off the dead branches and
hoped for the best. But this was just the first sign of trouble. I researched
tree diseases and learned that it had succumbed to disease because it was too
close to the aspen. The aspen had the same disease but died first. I felt
cursed by God for always taking away what and whom I loved most. Next came
self-doubt. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Maybe I’m too flawed to get
anything right. Life works only if I’m not invested. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m a good gardener, and a good caretaker of
humans and animals, but the ones I love most die young. I’m now remembering a beautiful,
spirited, intelligent cat we named George because he was so curious, and he died
from a heart defect before he was three years old. PQ took it outwardly even
harder than I did. I was used to such losses.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m grateful that our Cottonwood tree still had some of its
beauty last year, and our flowers, especially the purple one’s, PQ’s favorite
color, were at their best while he was still able to see them. This second year
without him has been more difficult than the first year. For most of that first year,
I lived in a simulation of our life. Everything seemed to be a fragile image about
to fade away. The Town of Taos, the grocery stores, the streets and especially our
home, seemed fake. There was no sequential time, and I couldn’t remember the
places and streets I’ve known for years. I didn’t understand then, but my
identity was set to Taos with PQ. That role had ended and there was not yet a
replacement. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’ve been challenged to learn that reincarnation can happen
at any time, and you don’t always have to trade in the old body. Renovation
will do. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, until last week, I
didn’t want a new life. I was still floating on the waning vision that brought
me to Taos. I will always love PQ, I’ve loved him in lives and times both past
and future, but I’m now on a steep learning curve. One of the most important lessons
is that we are more than we know, and we would be scared and thrilled if we
knew what is possible. Our higher self keeps the lessons light until we get to
high school or maybe beyond. Some make it to graduate school. Maybe they can consciously
choose what happens after that. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The more challenging the situation, the more my higher- self
must trust that I will grok it. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I drove
up to my house yesterday after a trip to the store and post office, I was
surprised to see that my neighbor’s house looks much fresher and more alive
without the dying tree and consequently, my house looks better also. It was
hard to admit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now I can see a new life
and I’m assimilating the thought that the life of that once beautiful tree was honored
more by its removal than by grieving over its sad decline. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After putting away the groceries, I walked to
the back of my house where the dying cottonwood stands. There were several small
shoots nearby, but I doubt they’ll survive. Then I saw a new tree encircled
with a wire guard through a crack in the fence shared with my other neighbor,
to the south. I was happy they’d planted one, and then noticed with amazement, that
it was really another shoot from my Cottonwood, and was already nearly six feet
tall. I gave it my blessing. I don’t have enough money now to have its dying mother
taken down, but I know that must come. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Death and its follow-ups bring a revelation that I’m still reeling
with. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, after the internal storm
subsided, my house began to look and feel real again. PQ has been so far away,
that I wondered if he was glad to be free of me, even though he was always on
my mind, and I talked to him everywhere I went. But was he ever listening? I
couldn’t tell. Today he feels much closer. I can hear his voice and feel his presence
in the house. Then perhaps, he visited many times, but I was hanging onto our
old relationship.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Lakota, have the saying, “We are all related.” That is
undeniable common sense, although the leaders of most modern nations don’t believe
it applies to them. Yet the entanglement of the cosmos takes this up a notch, “life
and death events are all related.” We are all a spark chipped from our big star and a
cell in the body of Gaia. While the parts that make our form wear out and are
replaced or upgraded, the spark within remembers its source, and Source knows
each of us as a work of creation in process. Changes must come. That’s life! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-48686011844651195262022-10-14T21:58:00.004-06:002022-10-29T15:54:11.969-06:00SOME THOUGHTS ON “LETS YOU AND HIM FIGHT”<p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I remember
family get togethers when I was a kid. After dinner, the women would go to the
kitchen and the guys would be in the living room. Since I wasn't interested in
babies, relationships, and recipes, I would find an inconspicuous place to
listen to the men. Uncle Bob would usually kick things off by bringing up some
controversial topic, then ask the other guys what they thought about it and
when it started getting really hot, he would lean back in his chair with a
bemused smile as faces turned red and voices got louder. It was obvious that he
was getting a charge out of the heat. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Occasionally, I receive email links
by far-right conspiracy theorists with all the details of how the demonic
Democrats are manipulating we the people to control our wealth and our lives
(or lack thereof) if we allow them to stay in power. The Democrats email their
constituents for support to prevent extremist takeovers from the far right that
will send us back to the stone age socially and make America a dictatorship
whose ruler will assuage their followers’ fears with seductive promises. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">However, the Democratic party seems
frozen in its insecure idealism about the state of American distrust concerning
what is really happening in government. They function oblivious to growing
distrust and seem to believe that there are enough reasonable people that
democracy with its business-as-usual habits will prevail. But what is that
business. Most of it is hidden from people who don’t have time or connections
for extensive research. I’ve observed the effects of group fear on even
well-educated good-hearted people and noticed that it is quite literally a
hypnotic process. The so called, but I believe false patriots have wedged
themselves into the cracks of fear. Fear is an out of balance, vulnerable state
of mind, that shatters reason and distorts perspective, until only a bitter
cocktail of imagined ingredients leading to a dreaded outcome are ingested. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The truth is, very few of us really
do know what is going on in Washington under the radar, and our politicians
tell us what they want us to believe while they ask us for monetary assistance
to beat the “bad guy” opponent in the next election. It seems to those of us on
the outside that money has become the only factor of control and therefore
determines the value of any concern. I’ve noticed that the “experts” who always
claim to be on the side of their targeted audience while stirring up fear on
YouTube, are speaking to people’s financial vulnerability while making loads of
money on the sale of their books exposing the evil agenda of the opposition. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But is any party really in control?
It seems to me that politics has become a diversion to keep “us” focused on the
dreaded “them”. I suspect that the rhetoric, demonstrations, YouTube revelations
and promises are distractions from the things we have no control over, nor do
the politicians who seem to have themselves become distractions. While the
political parties are wrestling and promising, the rich keep getting richer,
the poor get poorer, inflation soars, and corporate entities move us wherever
they want us to go. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m sick of hearing “left” and
“right”. Left of what, and right of what? If right is conservative and left is
progressive, I’m totally confused about what is being conserved from the past
or envisioned as progress for the future. If the system was working properly, I
would think that there would be a flow from past to future, and that
conservatives would be preserving something of value to be used in the future
and liberals would be augmenting past values and updating them in real time to
survive and meet a common future. Instead of genuinely addressing the problems
of real people, it seems that politics is about manipulating the people’s hopes
and fears to help candidates get to a platform where they can work for powerful
forces of which we, the people have little or no awareness. We are like fish
biting at skillfully artificed flies at the end of a transparent line.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">When people don’t have a realistic
view of the powers that are playing them, they have a sense of vulnerability
that is easily stirred into fear, paranoia and then rage looking for an outlet.
No one can live with fear and a state of helplessness very long. It must have a
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">target</i> and possible correction or
broils internally until it becomes sick, or mad. Thus, unstable young men go on
killing sprees in places where large numbers of people come together. The
people they kill, and wound are usually random targets, not enemies but
unspecified victims, just as the shooter is often lacking a sense of identity,
place, or purpose. In a sense, the victims are icons of the one who victimizes
them, sacrificial victims of the shadowy perpetrator. In this way, it’s a
hopeless religious act. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Our modern world, with Scientific
Materialism as its orthodoxy, leaves a huge gaping hole where the Great Creative
Power of our cosmos once was. According to this material canon, we should be
happy to be free of the horror of religion past with its inquisitions, holy
wars, hatred of physical pleasure and dread of eternal damnation to an endless
fire for those who choose to disagree, or even dislike the terms.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The European and mid-eastern god is certainly
a terrifier. Something had to be done to take the sting out of this maniacal psychopathic
deity. However, the replacement has not satisfied. Even the hope of artificial
intelligence to find a way for us to live forever without any spiritual
assistance, leaves us unsatisfied. Smart and proud perhaps but empty. I can’t
avoid thinking of the billions of beings behind us and the unfortunate victims
of fate and war who won’t be able to enjoy life as a forever bot. To me it is
an unsatisfactory answer to an unfulfilled problem. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’ve come to look at earth life as a
school, and earth and its siblings cycling around our life source, the Sun, as
one family in an incomprehensible mega-verse of trans-cosmic families. I can’t
imagine us ever knowing its truth only from the outside. But I believe as
participants, we are wired to experience its essence by penetrating to the
inner core of our membership—a heart to heart connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I wonder how many times humankind
has been in this position in history, or more likely pre-history, since I
believe Plato’s story of Atlantis, and the increasing evidence that we have had
influence from other more advanced life forms from other parts of the cosmos.
There are few indigenous peoples that don’t have stories about beings from
other realities, either dimensional or planetary who seeded them or guided them
in the deep past. Mainstream science doesn’t yet acknowledge any evidence of
this hidden past, and there is plenty. Science has become another
orthodoxy which causes me to believe the doctrinal barriers will eventually
collapse. They are already struggling to maintain their crumbling walls against
the blows of unwanted evidence. As with any other belief system, careers and
hard-won reputations are at risk.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">However, my greatest concern is the
compartmentalization that seems to be endemic with information overload. There
are so many narratives about reality to choose from that in reaction people are
becoming more narrowly focused rather than better informed. YouTube and social
media are a free for all, and the various opinions all have their followers,
depending on whatever gives some sense of emotional satisfaction be it thrills,
safety, or the desire to have a special heads-up. It’s endless! You can learn a
foreign language, practice yoga, listen to great music, follow history, your
favorite rock stars, or choose your favorite conspiracy theory. But there is no
way to know the validity of theories and unvetted ideas flying around for
anyone who is hooked on a flavor to catch and pass along. COVID19 augmented the
menu. The mystery surrounding its origins and the controversy over vaccination
which with its quick development and enrichment of big pharma made it a perfect
topic for conspiracy theorists and political rhetoric. However, it seems to fit
the uncertainty of the times. Ironically, the bigger the choice of subjects and
opinions, the narrower the focus has become. There is loads of fear but little
critical thinking involved. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Maybe nature is threatening to give
us another hard restart, as happened with the meteor that killed the dinosaurs,
or the destruction of Atlantis, and the great flood. Humanity has had several
wipeouts. It would be splendid if we could avoid another restart from zero. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I have this suspicion now and then
that there may be parties hidden behind the curtain of our simulated earth drama
that are giving us a nudge toward the precipice by encouraging our discord and
escalating wars. They wait in the background for us to self-destruct with the
expectation of replacing us or molding our remains to their purpose. But no one
can victimize us if we don’t cooperate. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We’ll never make it through this
dark tunnel to the light at the other end without the wisdom of the heart which
is humbler than the mind because it knows that we are all related.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We are all in this together and when we
forget that we are on the way of becoming another extinct species or slaves to
our robots. Then the earth experiment will die, because we will have fallen
victim to the reversal of cosmic energy. In a world powered by an artificial
simulation of life, creation is turned against itself. All because we forgot
that machines are made in our image rather than the opposite, and we are made
in the image of the Universal Intelligence. How tragically ironic, but also
symbolic that our species in its arrogance and pride will have doomed itself by
its own inventiveness.</span></p>
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of souls enlightened by faith, love and courage will make the current crisis propel
us to a higher level where our petty struggles will resolve to the awareness
that we are all in this together as world citizens.</span></p>
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</script></p>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-47842146532383044572022-08-01T23:02:00.000-06:002022-08-01T23:02:32.398-06:00TAOS REVISITED<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p class="MsoNormal">I went downtown today! At first, I was reeling and wobbling.
I’m not used to walking on sidewalks anymore. I felt like a babe taking first
steps. In a way I am. But this is part of my restart on life after a year without PQ. Everything was
more real than I remembered. The impression was more extreme than a front row
seat at a 3D movie. The sky today is a dazzling blue, and the clouds are huge,
shapely cumulus mounds towering over the big mountain with brilliantly
luminous borders that challenged my eyes to believe. I felt dizzy and took
gasping deep breaths between views. I remembered, this is the Taos I fell in
love with and was immersed in for years. It was my stomping ground. I never
took it for granted, but it was once as familiar as my living room and kitchen.
Apparently, my inner lenses became clouded with the dust of struggle and routine,
and because it was gradual, I hadn’t noticed the loss.</p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbOo4DhTDE2Asml73Yk2Htr86PcP5GLVVpg5Pwo9bTarY2xaDEQYu19dW2LgP74f8Tan8EK6bdn7hQuju_QDAKID9dRZOFjFhKlMdEM92GXwmiftT9XDTHw2HEwWbkAu9euEvwfaToDWvpRW9J84d9G_MmIEKzlZ9KVo9MLgWMfWznetdeJCvUeFeuJw/s500/IMG_0188.JPG" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="416" data-original-width="500" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbOo4DhTDE2Asml73Yk2Htr86PcP5GLVVpg5Pwo9bTarY2xaDEQYu19dW2LgP74f8Tan8EK6bdn7hQuju_QDAKID9dRZOFjFhKlMdEM92GXwmiftT9XDTHw2HEwWbkAu9euEvwfaToDWvpRW9J84d9G_MmIEKzlZ9KVo9MLgWMfWznetdeJCvUeFeuJw/s320/IMG_0188.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me and PQ at a Friends Party <br /></td></tr></tbody></table><p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">For tourists so recently released from COVID19 restrictions,
today the Taos spirit put on its most iconic outfit. I spent some time in the John
Dunn Plaza drifting down the walks and peeking into shops. What a wonder! I’ve
only shopped at Walmart, Ace Hardware, and the grocery stores since we returned
from Cottonwood Arizona a decade ago, and during recent years, PQ found walking
around just to partake of eye candy on Bent Street or the plaza too much for
his lungs. Before Pulmonary Fibrosis became his minder, he was fun to shop
with. He was one of the few men I’ve met who loved to go through boutiques and
suggest what would be a good addition to my wardrobe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His taste usually suited me better than mine.
I had to seal today’s reunion by buying a book in the place where I made my
first Taos purchase thirty years ago. Back then its name was Moby Dickens and I
have a photo of myself standing by the front door. Sadly, this is now the only
bookstore in town. I, like many others buy most of my books online, but direct
physical presence is more satisfying. It concerns me that Zoom meetings and
online purchases have taken us away from physical contacts. We may be losing our
personal connection with the living world as we spend more time with electronic
substitutes.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was already middle aged when I first came to Taos, but I
knew I would leave my previous life and start again here. It seems to me that
human lives resemble a book divided into chapters. Right now, I’m re-reading my
life-book up to now and underlining the cogent sentences. Every time I open pages of
the past, I notice more things I forgot, or now have a different take on. My
soul is urging me to dust off the binders of previous volumes and see what I can
glean that may inspire a new chapter.</p><p class="MsoNormal">I’ve lived almost like a hermit since PQ transitioned. It
took months before I could feel solid earth beneath my feet. Even the walls of
my house seemed strange, as if they were a simulation that might disappear. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was trapped in some liminal dimension. It
wasn’t at all like my life before PQ and I became a team. For as long as I’ve been
in Taos, he was always on the altar of my soul’s temple. We had continuous contact
even when we didn’t see each other for days, weeks, sometimes months. I literally
felt him all the time. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Over my almost thirty years in Taos, I’ve upgraded my
identity several times. Today I re-experienced the original intensity of my early
Taos life. I don’t wish to relive any of those thirty years, many of them
turned me inside out with shock and heartbreak. Taos is beautiful, raw, and dangerous, at least
it was back then. It is or was a land of instant karma. However, there were valuable
elements in each challenge that added missing parts to who I am. Now my higher
self is gathering them together for me so that any scattered parts that may be
useful will be put to use.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Intuition suggests that I need to be ready to pack my bags
with the most important items from a past gleaned in Taos and be ready for the next journey.
I don’t know if this will be literal travels or exploring new landscapes of
heart and mind. Right now, even my Living room seems different because what I thought was reality moved out. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-22066829985519978182022-07-05T00:12:00.200-06:002022-07-05T16:33:17.777-06:00BEING LOST: WHY? WHY NOT?<p></p><p><!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
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<p class="MsoNormal">I believe many things that can’t be proven. In fact, I am
not a person who has much interest in proving concepts. I’m much more
interested in exploring them than proving them<a name="_Int_UX06Kv43">. </a>I’m
inclined to see any conceptual construct as having many <a name="_Int_ZgBexENK">perspectives</a>
that will shapeshift through the eyes of the beholder. I’m one of those
Mercurial minds that enjoys romping through the mysterious forest of
possibilities. It is life as alchemy. This way of approaching life began in early childhood. I spent lots of time alone encountering the world around me with little interference from adults. My mother was sick most of the time, and everyone else was worried about her and what was happening with the war (WWII). I did a lot of observing and exploring but I wanted to read. Reading seemed like the magic power that would allow me to travel without a physical vehicle, and learn about the strange world adults kept to themselves. No one would teach me to read, telling me "you will have to wait until you go to school." When I finally entered grade school, I was profoundly
disappointed by the fraud it turned out to be, and the total lack of exploration
into the mysteries of knowledge. Learning to read would take years, and I would have to put up with Dick and Jane indefinitely, in addition, our first grade teacher seemed to hate children and demonstrated it with a frown and a stick.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In despair, I came down
with every childhood illness on the list, at least once, plus numerous flues,
colds, and stomach upsets. Public school literally made me sick. To escape as
much of this poisonous environment as possible, I learned to fly with the wings of imagination through
classroom walls on the magic quest to anywhere or any time I wanted to visit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I created
dramas audible and visible only to myself.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Later I hid a notepad for illustrating my adventures inside the boring textbooks. I took lots of library books to school, so that I’d have something
interesting to read . I assumed school was a
concentration camp for brain washing children and wondered why some kids seemed to be
okay with it. At the end of the year, I was faced with a D minus and the prospect
of an added year in jail, so I usually made a deal with the teacher to do some
special projects to make it possible to squeeze by with a passing grade.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Although I didn’t know it, I was learning a form of alchemy.
Alchemy whether a literal technique for turning base metals into gold, as the
medieval alchemists attempted, or using the concept metaphorically, is the essence
of a purposeful journey through life. In fact, it is life! Do you really believe you are the same
entity that emerged from your mother’s womb? Perhaps because the metamorphosis is
everyone’s experience from conception to grave, we seldom think about it as an actual
alchemical event. Even to the medieval alchemists, the multidimensional revelations involved in alchemical
transformation were often more important than achieving the physical goal.
Only memory, although somewhat capriciously follows us through birth to death.
And death may be yet another stage in a metamorphic process. The
alchemical Negredo, the black stage of disintegration to ash happens at the end of each process as we work toward the incorruptible state symbolized by gold (a
non-corruptible metal). But oh, how difficult it is to trust there could be a transformation
after accumulated experiences have burnt us into black soot and opaque smoke. It
took me many years to find the gold beneath the ash and I still feel despair now
and then if I indulge my small self when comparing life outcomes with someone
whom I consider closer to the gold standard. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Social pressure often muddles our perception as we stumble
along in our meat suits through this three-dimensional phase of transfiguration.
Then I remember; metamorphosis is a trans-galactic process. Butterflies and supernova have nothing over us. I will interject the probability that The Great
Mystery didn’t create us or the cosmos once-upon-a-time. Time being a
construct to help us dance in rhythm with Sun, Moon, and Stars. I’ve come to
believe that we humans are among God’s many instruments for crafting this world
and other worlds, all transcending time. Yet, while immersed in time we become lost in mundane cliffhangers.
Will help come before the princess is torn to bits by a fascinating robotic dragon?
Will she recognize help, or will she succumb to Stockholm Syndrome?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I first moved to Taos, I got lost every day, at least
once. It was like participating in creation-light. Lostness, opens the way to awesome
new discoveries.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So many mysterious,
nameless trails and roads await exploration. The adobe buildings might be 300 years
old or 20 years old. They looked the same. Often, except for an occasional car,
there was also no indication of time. As soon as one left a state road, one left the world of
time, and enchantment took over. in other words, reality, which is usually disguised as something prosaic, when actually it is this magical multidimensional
dance. Clocks and calendars are handy tools but deceptive if you mistake them
for reality. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As I write this, I’m listening to the gentle drip, drip,
drip of another rain after a two-month drought. The grass turned green, and the flowers
surged up to kiss the raindrops. Taos looks again as it did when I first arrived
almost 30 years ago. I’d begun to think, "I will never see this place green
again." But there are cycles and cycles within cycles. Even if it ends tomorrow,
it was wonderful to know it can still happen and there is more than one kind of
drought. Does the sky also respond to the human state? Are we all one with
ascending and descending patterns through multiple layers of quasi-reality? Droughts come and floods come. The world of
humans is also experiencing extremes. It’s breaking out in wars of all kinds.
Is the Devil a projected antidote to God’s unrequited love? Maybe we should take notice
of all the ways we are killing our souls, by killing the soul of our Mother Earth.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I was a young child and teenager, my daddy cut down my
beloved cottonwood tree, tore down the silver lace vine I loved, poisoned a pet
cat, thought my art and books were a lazy waste of time, and generally disapproved
of everything I loved. He did to me, in essence what had been done to him. This
is the endemic human approach to love starvation. That is why Jesus said, “do
unto others as you would have them do unto you,” rather than, “<i>as others do
unto you</i>”, which is how it usually goes. Love insecurity, to paraphrase a
popular phrase, is by far the most dangerous disease on the planet. It is far deadlier
than COVID19, and it seems to be running rampant. It can never be cured with more of what caused it. Have you noticed that wars are never actually won. They are like those trick birthday candles that fire up again every time you blow them out.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As a child, I fantasized blowing up schools, churches, and
meat packing plants, and then burning down the housing developments that were
destroying the natural world that had once surrounded us. It seemed that humans
could only take away the life and beauty in our world. I would express my fear
and anger about the destruction human culture foisted on the natural world and
my dad would say, “you can’t stop progress”. Of course, what I saw was destruction not progress. But he was right about the subject being unstoppable.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I fantasized
destroying the rotten fruits of greed and exploitation, and agonized over human indifference to the
fate of our world, I calmed myself down knowing at heart that a war against
exploitation would never work beyond briefly satisfying rage. The exploiters
held the hunger for power and uninformed hope on their side until they didn’t. Such power inevitably falls to nature because it consumes its source and runs out of fuel. I don't believe we will abuse Mother Nature much longer, There are ample signs that she is fighting back and she lives inside of us as well as surrounding us.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sometimes I wonder if with our current trajectory as a species we will reduce ourselves to a few small
tribes, learning again to cooperate with each other under Mother Nature's rules for life on a planet. Nature
is clearly upset with us and is reacting to the arrogant fantasy that we are independent from her. Another possibility is that the surviving nature within us goes rogue and destroys us
for the good of the planet and our own souls? I pray that forest fires, floods,
pandemics, hurricanes, tornadoes, droughts, earthquakes, volcanoes, and mass
extinctions will get our attention before Mother Earth has to demote us back to a single cell ameba, or less.
I wonder how many times we’ve done this in the history of the planet and gone through a hard restart. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There is an inspired receptive way to be lost in awe of the Great
Mystery, and a blind stubborn way to be lost because we refuse to admit we made a wrong turn. This world is a school so this grade can be repeated.<br /></p><p></p>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-32805347911376508382022-05-30T15:55:00.001-06:002022-11-16T15:10:03.894-07:00MEMORIAL DAY <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
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<![endif]--><p class="MsoNormal">May 29, 2022</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“Please mom, leave a few for us!” But each Memorial Day she
would cut all the beautiful new Peonies in our garden to decorate Alice Marie’s
grave. The drive to the cemetery was a treat in the freshness of spring. The
trees lining the roads seemed dazzling, and the grass was so tender and fresh
that I could smell it through the car’s open window, and the sky was cleaned of
winter drabness to intense blue by a soft spring breeze. At the time, I processed
the dissonance of new life with death as disappointment. It took decades before
I noticed the irony.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Alice Marie was my
infant sister who died a few days before we moved back to Denver Colorado from
Vallejo California. Even as a child, I discovered that Alice Marie deserved to take
everything potentially good and beautiful from our lives because we couldn’t
save her life.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Mom sealed her infant’s fate before birth by taking a Sulfa
drug prescribed by her doctor when she was pregnant with my little sister. This
was before the discovery of penicillin. Despite this tragedy, my mother never
quit believing that doctors were touched by God with divine knowledge. Instead,
she blamed herself and tried to compensate for her perceived failure as a
parent by depriving us all any peace or joy in life out of respect for Alice
Marie. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My baby sister was born with a defective heart, and only
lived two or three months. Barely out of toddlerhood myself, time stretched very
far and thus I don’t know her exact age. Alice Marie’s room was a sacred
shrine. I could only enter when mom fed and washed her in the morning. I wanted
to touch her but wasn’t allowed. She was like refined porcelain, and I was a
robust danger. Mom said she was too sick to touch. People had given mom shower
gifts of baby toys that she stored at the bottom of a small chest of drawers. I
was fascinated by the colorful toys but was only allowed to touch them a few
times under mom’s supervision. They seemed like holy objects of worship.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Over the years Mom accidentally poisoned all our pets, with unconscious
carelessness. None of them died outright except a baby bird we were caring for.
It had fallen from its nest. We were feeding it in a cage, and then one
afternoon, mom decided it would like to be out of its cage for a while and
turned it loose. It fell into the commode and drowned. Willy was a cocker
spaniel and her special companion. He kept her company while dad was at work,
and I was in school. She poisoned him twice by leaving rat poison in an
accessible spot. Willy would eat anything! My parents typically went limp and vacant
at such times, but I was determined that Willy wouldn't die.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was a preteen at the
time and totally focused on saving Willy. There were directions on the package
of poison for flushing everything out of the stomach as soon as possible. This
took several hours of forcing saline solution down his throat again and again
until he threw up only water. I was equally dedicated in treating the other
animal victims of our curse. Our sweet tabby cat, Bows rolled in the soft earth
near rosebushes where mom had distributed a very strong insecticide. After
finding her almost comatose, we deduced the cause and took her to the vet. There
was no effective antidote, but our vet gave me something that would neutralize
much of the toxin, and again I medicated her day and night at the recommended
intervals. Bows (so named because of a pattern on her shoulders) sustained some
permanent nerve damage but lived another ten years. Later, I went through the
same routine with Joker, our Labrador Retriever. Mom seemed always to forget
that she left poisons where the animals would find them.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I was three-and-a-half years old when my baby sister died.
Mom was ill throughout that pregnancy. While we were in California during the
war, she was far from her own mother and the only world she’d ever known. In
retrospect, I can see that she was experiencing a perfect storm emotionally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Following Pearl Harbor, my dad was drafted as a skilled
metal worker to repair damaged warships at the Mare Island Naval shipyard near
Vallejo, California. Neither of my parents had ever been out of Colorado
before, and much of the time my mom was terrified. Adding to her fear, her
brothers were both on active duty in the Pacific. It was in this environment
that she conceived my baby sister. I remember being pushed to the side as my
mother was taken away on a hospital gurney. When she came back, Alice Marie was
with her. I never really had her again until I was almost an adult.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Through the years, I’ve given, lifesaving rescues to
chickens, horses, other dogs and cats, and a husband. Right now, I’m trying to
save a very sick tom cat, and I have no idea what to do with him, if I do
succeed in saving him. As I write this, I’m wondering for the first time (yes,
it may be obvious, but I didn’t notice) that nobody else in the family was motivated
to respond to these situations unless I pleaded and then took control. Dad was
wonderful with mechanical breakdowns and fixing all kinds of mechanical disasters.
Mom was very generous with friends and relatives who needed every other kind of
help, but both became disengaged and remote about life-or-death issues. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even as a child I was puzzled that mom took me
to doctors frequently for what seemed to me imagined problems but ignored real
injuries. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">On our last night in Vallejo, we went to the mortuary to
view my sister’s body. At three-and-a-half, I took this visit as another
adventure. I remember the three of us waiting in our old ’36 Dodge for a long
freight train to free the railroad crossing, then to a parking lot where we
caught a ferry boat to cross the bay. I still remember lights sparkling on the
black water as if it was last week. Apparently, our destination was a mortuary
to view my sister’s body. I said, “she is so pretty why don’t we take her home”.
Many years later when I talked to mom about that night, she told me that her
knees buckled, and she struggled not to faint. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The next day, as I looked through the screen of our back
door, I heard mom and dad arguing over what to take with us to Denver and what
would take up too much room in the rental truck and must be given away. I
remember dad saying, “we can’t take her red wagon,” and he and mom argued
about it, but dad prevailed. I was holding onto its handle as I listened. I had
personalized that wagon, as I did all my favorite toys. To me it was a living being,
a companion and the only one I could talk to as all the adults around me had more
important things on their minds. It was as if someone kicked me in the chest
and I couldn’t breathe for a while. I never really trusted dad again.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">After my sister’s death, I became terrified of trains but
kept it to myself. It was a new fear that arose shortly before we left our
Vallejo home. I didn’t know trains couldn’t leave their tracks and imagined these
huge black locomotives crashing through our house, just because they could. Next,
I remember Mom, Grandma and me walking across several railroad tracks and up a
stairway onto a Pullman car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At one city
the train stopped and a great number of young men in uniforms boarded the
train. They packed the hallways and stood all night. They seemed like mysterious ghosts milling and mumbling throughout the night. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I didn’t sleep that night. Our sheets were sprinkled with
uncomfortable cookie crumbs, the result of a goodwill gift from one of the
friends as we were leaving. We arrived at Salt Lake City at sunrise. It must have
been a switching point, because our train stopped, and a conductor came to our
car and said, “you must go outside now and see the sunrise.” The view was
breathtaking and surreal. Our train seemed to be hovering between air and water,
deep purple, magenta, gold, and turquoise colors filled the entire world above
and below.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t remember anything of the next few days. While I
remember our journey on the train, I have no recollection of getting off nor of
what happened next. There is a photo of me standing beside an older cousin on
the day after we arrived. Mom told me years later that I stayed with my
paternal aunt and uncle while she and dad were at my sister’s funeral.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 123.85pt;">The weeks that followed were a
blur. I stayed with another aunt and uncle for two or three weeks. I remember
my uncle being angry all the time because he felt put upon with a
responsibility he didn’t want. I stayed out of the way as much as possible. Mom
and dad were frantically trying to find a place for us to live. I don’t know
where they were staying during the search. Later, I stayed with my grandparents
and that was easier but still lonely. Dad turned the car over on a wet road
during one of their forays and mom’s arm was broken. This meant that I had to
stay with grandma and grandpa another two weeks. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 123.85pt;">I remember mom as always frail. During
this time, she was very thin, and worried about everything. For many, many
years she would look through me with unfocused eyes when she talked to me. I
felt invisible as if I was made of a transparent material. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 123.85pt;">When my parents finally found us
a house it was quite different from our government quarters in Vallejo. It had only
two rooms. The main one had an alcove with living room on one side and my
parent’s bed on the other side. Our kitchen was a precarious lean-to jammed
against the main house. It was so low on the far end that I could barely stand
straight up at age four. There was one cold water pipe jutting up from
the kitchen floor. All our appliances were from the previous century. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I slept on the sofa and listened for the sound
of trains at night. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 123.85pt;">Mom was always sick. She could seldom
keep her food down and suffered with ulcers. Often, she was in bed. I remember
running up to her bed to show her something. She moaned in pain and my grandma pulled
me back and told me mom was too sick to see me, and I should leave her alone. I
didn’t know what to do with myself, but I soon learned to be silent and stay
out of the way. I was fortunate that the neighborhood was semi-rural, and our
house was on half an acre of land. I learned to entertain myself in the neighborhood
and with my invented games and stories.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 123.85pt;">Death seemed to be attached to us
like an idol. I remember attending many funerals before I was ten years
old.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I judged them by the music and
flowers. Unlike most young children, I didn’t consider anyone old before the
age of sixty-five. Of course, that seems middle aged to me now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I walked for miles in our neighborhood and
often stopped to contemplate and pray over the bodies of road-killed animals. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 123.85pt;">Although I had virtually every
childhood disease, and was often miserable with fever, aches, and pains, I
enjoyed being sick because I could spend the day in a real bed and indulge in
my love of paints, crayons, my own imagined stories, and books—all things
otherwise judged as a self-indulgent waste of time. Childhood illnesses became
my ticket to a personal life. They were perhaps also a payment for the sin of
being a survivor. I never for a moment thought I would die from any of these sick
times even when the pain was so great, I wanted to disappear. In retrospect, I recognize
this as payment to the Lord of Death for the sin of being strong, resourceful,
and basically healthy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="tab-stops: 123.85pt;">I was only three years old when
Alice Marie briefly passed through our lives, but she became the focal point
for the rest of our life as a family, even though often intangibly. She shaped
everything about my life and relationships. I wonder if I will meet her when I
pass over. I would never have been who I am nor struggled against death and
depression to follow my heart without her. Perhaps we worked as a team of
sisters all along. </p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-19455751165992194462022-05-25T16:06:00.006-06:002022-11-16T15:19:42.144-07:00"THE ONLY WAY OUT IS THROUGH"<!--[if !mso]>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="height: 68px; margin-left: 846px; margin-top: 418px; mso-ignore: vglayout; position: absolute; width: 86px; z-index: 251659264;"><img height="68" src="file:///C:/Users/marti/AppData/Local/Temp/msohtmlclip1/01/clip_image001.png" width="86" /></span>There are workmen next door dismantling
the chicken coup that Julie made when she decided to raise several hens and thus
have her own fresh eggs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does this mean
that her house was sold? The house has been vacant for almost a year. After PQ
died, there were empty houses on both the north and south sides. It added to the
feeling of being stranded on a desert island. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Julie, died last year almost the same time that PQ died,
give or take a few days. She hadn’t lived in the house for the last two years, but her
son lived there for a while and later a friend who was working toward a master’s
degree lived in the house until last summer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It all seemed surreal as I watched the workmen carrying away pieces of
lumber. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Julie had grown children but looked very young and fit. She
was beautiful, intelligent, very idealistic and always friendly. She had bad
luck with partners, however. Several years ago, she married and seemed very
happy and then her new husband died suddenly. Later, she met a man from the Pueblo,
and moved to the Pueblo. I only saw her when she would occasionally come to
check her house. I learned from her obituary that when she died she had a baby that was only
a few months old, perhaps her hope for a restart.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The war in the Ukraine has poured over my heart like thick
black tar. All wars sadden me, cause me to wonder how we humans get through
life, and especially why we bother.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There
is one image that glued itself to my heart and mind. It so starkly represents
the precariousness of our human situation. On the News a few nights ago, a
young woman who had escaped to a neutral country is showing a reporter a
picture of her dead father, a casualty of the war, that she keeps close to her
heart. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here was the kind smiling face of
a man anyone would like to know. He had pink cheeks, kind, clear blue eyes and
a trim white beard. He was smiling with love at the photographer, who may have
been the daughter who now held this photo to her heart. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He was relaxing on a couch, with a blissful,
totally trusting ginger cat spread, arms wide over his chest. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both he and his cat were a perfect image of loyalty,
comfort and inter-species love. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">PQ has been appearing in my dreams for several days. I’m so
glad to see him again, even though it’s frustrating to have him so close but out
of reach. The only living human I see often is Grandmother Jean, who is having
a struggle with cancer. She can no longer drive, barely walks and lives out of
town She relies on me to take her to doctor appointments, pay bills, pickup mail,
and shop for groceries. I’m so busy, or so it seems, that I haven’t had time to
apply for food stamps myself (out of date term for EBT card). Although, we are
(so far) as a country staying out of a world war, this war between Russia and
Ukraine is certainly affecting the world.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Food and gas prices are souring rapidly. I was careful with spending and now I have to cut back even more.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">“When it rains, it pours”, an old saying that would be good
if it was literal in this time of drought. So many things in my immediate
environment are waning. Last week my main computer, the expensive one that I’m
still paying for revealed a swelling battery. I took it to
the Geek Squad in Santa Fe. The said nothing can be done. Its battery is now obsolete,
and my insurance has expired. My dream computer is dead. However, my dear Deer, (PQ), two months before the
final onslaught of his disease, bought me a simple laptop for just such
possibilities (it happened once before). He paid cash after the sale of one of
his paintings and that computer is what I’m writing with now. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everything on this computer was pre-set. I fought
with it for over a month to install the programs I use, and finally won,
although I had to change its safety settings, uninstall its preset programs and
install the ones I use. I also had a new wireless printer that I went through
similar grief with. Now they are both working smoothly. I’m hoping this is a
sign for other aspects of life. Right now, however, I’m tired of struggling.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sick cat, sick trees, sick friend, sick computer, all reflections
of a sick world. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not only is my tall
Cottonwood tree dead except for one branch, so is the once beautiful weeping
willow, next door. It offered much needed shade over my house from hot summer sun.
</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">These are times of great change, and it seems that turmoil and
destruction come before regeneration. In the great Hindu system of earth ages
or Kalpas, we are in the Kali Yuga, a time of materiality, ignorance, disintegration
and destruction before the start of the next round. But there are wheels within
wheels, so that doesn’t mean that there are not times of relative creation,
stability and rebirth within the Kali Yuga. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Kali Yuga is the shortest of the great ages, but
it still covers many thousands of years, and we are in the early stages. Here
is an easily rendered video link that describes the system of Yugas: </p><p class="MsoNormal"><iframe allow="accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Tl8_Wx9sp9k" title="YouTube video player" width="560"></iframe></p><p class="MsoNormal">There was a time when I thought the Indian Yugas to be a
fantastic invention and believed the earth not old enough to contain such tremendous
rounds of time. Now it seems very plausible, as I recognize the imprint of
great swaths of time reflected in all smaller cycles, just as holograms stretch
to infinity.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The past few weeks have been a descent into sadness, a review
of a lifetime attempting to overcome the shortcomings and handicaps that
accompanied my start in this round of life. As I move through my personal Kali
Yuga, I’m approaching my 80<sup>th</sup> birthday. Experience tells me that I usually
have a serious review in the month before my birthday. This year has been more
intense than usual. I won’t fight it or attempt to cheer myself up. Looking to
the positive as a weapon never works.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Best to face the weaknesses, lost opportunities, misunderstandings,
unrequited hopes and lost loves straight on. As Carl Jung said, “the only way
out is through.”To be continued.<br /></p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-65686159931490055972022-05-13T18:48:00.002-06:002022-05-13T18:48:21.881-06:00DOWNWIND TO DOWNFALL
<p class="MsoNormal"></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWYJ1G9vWTu-bWYWjajWykKcVTy5y-IiIr6pBA40unpDxEJUb9pzg9ZIly_BYHiaafGP6YjMmA_QVY5KaikXhlXzXcTt0mNYkneWEJS6P3TT2jVNtkD8aRfoGfwDzuNkFyAUysUMdX21ztgRmzoWFC2pGbQXEGNe5B4dwEkzrp_8RqWukZNDGnGFR4SA/s1214/himmy2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1214" data-original-width="1075" height="301" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWYJ1G9vWTu-bWYWjajWykKcVTy5y-IiIr6pBA40unpDxEJUb9pzg9ZIly_BYHiaafGP6YjMmA_QVY5KaikXhlXzXcTt0mNYkneWEJS6P3TT2jVNtkD8aRfoGfwDzuNkFyAUysUMdX21ztgRmzoWFC2pGbQXEGNe5B4dwEkzrp_8RqWukZNDGnGFR4SA/w266-h301/himmy2.jpg" width="266" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Himmy in my flower pot last month<br /></td></tr></tbody></table>Himmy, the stray cat I’ve been taking care of since PQ wisely,
it seems, moved to the next world, appears to be coming to the final stage of
his struggle with an upper respiratory disease that has been unresponsive to
medication. I thought when summer came, he would get better, but warm weather,
laced with wind and smoke from the forest fire on the east side of our
mountains has made it almost impossible for him to breath. Should I take him to
the vet and have him put down, since this is only one of his problems and it
has resisted treatment, or should I let him fade away naturally, since he doesn’t
seem to be in pain? I’ve grown fond of him, and I can tell he was once a beauty.
But he and I can’t have a long-term relationship, and the no-kill kennel, Stray
Hearts, won’t take him with his medical problems. Going to the vet earlier was
a traumatic ordeal for both of us, so which is the more humane approach to his problem? Care taking and problem solving is in my DNA. Now, it seems there is no good
solution. It may be time to find a different avocation.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">An important part of my week is given to helping my closest
Taos friend cope with the limitations of Cancer. She can no longer drive and
sometimes can barely walk. She lives by herself, a 30-minute drive for me, and
so is her P.O. box in a different direction. The last time I took my car to the
gas pump it cost $52. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I must plan my
trips for groceries, and mail very carefully. No spontaneous trips to the store
for bread or cat food.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The dreadful war in Ukraine feels like a blow to the chest, like
when I fell off the roof as a kid and it took some time before I could breathe
again or see something on the black screen. You see, I have what feels like a
past life (or maybe just other life) connection with both Ukraine and Russia,
and this is like a family quarrel with guns and rockets. Neither country will
ever be the same again, nor will the countries that depend on wheat and oil. In
our own country, partisan politics seems to be marching us toward another civil
war, as the sides become more alienated by their opposing beliefs about a future
that is based on fear and speculation. The Hatfield’s and McCoy’s on a national
level, and perhaps soon on an international level.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Spring is trying to move into its place, while a dry wind
withers new leaves and blossoms and feeds the fires. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, by the way, this is also Friday the 13<sup>th</sup>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does all the seeming problems and lapses mean
as a species we are heading into the future with all the dysfunctional patterns
of the past, plus a few new ones we invented along the way?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As humans we are myopic, and our brains are full of obsolete
programs for new problems. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps,
nature tries to wipe the virus off the world’s hard drive and do a hard
restart. But of course, the past is never entirely destroyed, and new structures
grow on the old foundations. When summer finally arrives, maybe I will look at
the leaves on the plumb tree outside my living room window and forget that the
wind blew the blossoms off last week. Time is the only medicine for some
diseases. We seem to be approaching that high fever crisis that determines
which way the sickness will go. Hmm! I wonder if COVID19 is a kind of metaphoric disease
for the times we live in.</p>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
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<p class="MsoNormal">Next month, June 12, 2022, it will be a year since my
husband physically left this world. I’ve never been a widow before, so I’m in
unfamiliar territory.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course, I have
lost grandparents, parents, close friends, and when I was three years old, I
lost my only sibling, but was too young to understand the full impact of that
loss, even though it changed my life forever, due to its effect on my parents
and the fact that we moved back to Denver, Colorado from Vallejo California two
days later.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My parents didn’t
fully recover from those events until after I was an adult. The restart in
Denver was itself traumatic. My entire childhood and adolescence were viewed
through darkened lenses. The past existed behind a mysterious door to a room I
assumed was locked. PQ’s absence has been like an enigmatic dream. As in a dream, reality
pops back and forth between dimensions. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I suppose, everything in life is influenced by one’s
previous history and my history has become a kaleidoscope in the months since
PQ left. Of course, I remember the things that PQ and I did together. The
mundane things are now the most precious and I’m today aware that words such as
mundane and special don’t mean anything to the heart. Kaleidoscopes are a bit
like Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, and they can be hypnotic. I suppose any
shock to one’s identity and life habits can spin one into another world. My
response varies from day to day, but it is full and fascinating.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Two days ago, I was thinking of my mother’s description of
moving from their apartment in Denver when my father was conscripted by the government
to work at Mare Island Shipyard near Vallejo California on Navy ships damaged
in WWII.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have always had a mental
image of their apartment. Since I was nine months old, (or was it six months?)
I have no memory of that fabled peaceful beginning. While looking for some
documents, it suddenly occurred to me to see if the location of this apartment
might be listed on my birth certificate.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Indeed, it was! </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I looked up the address, and found a triplex of apartments,
all on ground level. They were in one of the older neighborhoods and appeared
to be of a style common in the 1890’s. I could tell that very little had
changed, except the shrubbery was probably no more than 20 years old. They were
much like several apartments my grandparents had lived in. The importance of
finding that apartment was that it had never occurred to me to do that simple
bit of research on the internet before. When my mother described the struggle
of packing up their belongings and arranging the trip to Vallejo on her own,
since dad had to go ahead of her. She had to do it all while dealing with an
infant, I had always imagined them living at the top of a two-story
apartment.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is all very mundane
stuff, but it was a shock to realize that it had never occurred to me to ask
google maps where I spent most of my first year. I’m learning to explore
ignored corners of both the past and present. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">PQ’s passing is still rearranging my life and not just the life
I’ve had since moving to Taos, but my entire relationship with time and
identity. PQ kept me on the first floor of my living space. I loved the
routines, the trips to Santa Fe, visiting with our friends, shared memories,
looking forward to the film about PQ’s life, restaurant visits, family members
dropping by, and people wanting to meet PQ hoping to get some counseling, wisdom,
or sympathy. He and I for a long time held the hope of someday getting back to
our soul home in Arizona. Even though it became apparent that it wouldn’t
happen in the time we had left, the meaning and memory was our special shared
paradise and soul retreat. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Death is a radical reboot! At least that’s how it has been. If
it was possible, I would bring him back in a heartbeat, but if he were to come back,
he would find that I have changed in many ways. I can’t easily explain how I
can be in mourning and excited about rediscovering the world and renewing personal
history at the same time. Yesterday, I went to the El Prado post office which
used to be my post office in earlier days, to pick up my friend Jeannie’s mail
and was almost washed away in waves of memory that are now teaming with new
fish. Sometimes there are more insights, memories, and new impressions than my mind
can hold, and they slip away as I try to catch and bag them.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m experiencing a goodbye to old hopes and dear memories
all the while experiencing a restart. Right now, I’m still not ready to come
out of my exo-womb, which is my house and familiar neighborhood. However, all the
previous lives comprising my almost eighty years are, much to my surprise, being
reborn as well and I think about revisiting places of meaning, not just for
memories sake, but to see how they are with my new perspective, much like
trying on an old dress that you loved but were too fat to wear. I’ve literally
and figuratively lost weight in this past year and I have a new wardrobe that
was tucked away in the closet for a long time. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This past year I’ve lived alone quietly with my cat Shadow
and a sick stray I call Himmy, because I thought he was a Himalayan. I’ve been
tied down because I don’t know anyone to take care of them if I left for a few
days or even overnight. I don’t think Himmy has much time left, even though
I’ve taken him to the vet several times, his condition is getting worse. My long-time
friend Jeannie has bone cancer and can no longer drive and for awhile was
barely able to walk. I’m tied down even while I would love to fly. Realistically,
my income wouldn’t allow travel anyway, but I wonder how it would feel to visit
some of my old haunts in my new state of mind. I have a sense that PQ
completely agrees and would love to come with me. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Sometimes I work for awhile on a painting I started months
ago, but it isn’t ready to emerge yet in the physical world. I write every day
in my journal, and that is where I strip away the outer layers of my mind to
reveal paths to higher worlds while connecting the trails in this world. The
Hermetic axiom, “as above, so below,” reveals new applications from the simple
to the sublime. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m physically more fit and energetic than I have been in
recent years, as if a heavy coat was removed. I have nothing to declare on the
Medicare/Medicaid survey I’m supposed to submit. I’ve learned to do many
physical things I thought I was too old for, but I’m still very aware that I
don’t have time to waste, and I have practical issues to deal with such as a
will. If I died tomorrow, no one would know what to do with me, or whom to
contact. Time is ticking but I’m learning how to dance to new rhythms. </p><p class="MsoNormal">As I'm writing this, I look around the room trying to understand why the walls and furniture seem like a clever copy of my living room. Nothing seems familiar anymore. I don't think the same eyes are looking at my house. I'm just a housesitter taking care of the house until the owner returns. <br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"> <br /></p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-3156252774299724942022-03-29T15:29:00.001-06:002022-03-29T15:40:34.082-06:00“WHAT IF THEY GAVE A WAR AND NOBODY CAME” (Because they had a life to live)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="heading 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="9" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="toc 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="35" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
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<p class="MsoNormal">Remember that saying that became a slogan? Those of us alive
in the 70’s probably remember it on T-shirts. Of course, this is unlikely to
happen because one side will always be suspicious that the other side is using
this hypothetical statement as a trap, and yet it would be the simplest end to the
problem of war.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><i>“Theirs not to reason why. Theirs but to do and die “--Alfred
Lord Tennyson, from the Charge of the Light Brigade.</i></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There are times when all must work together as one mind like
worker bees. However, it is very dangerous, when the motivation is a single
individual’s personal beliefs and ambitions. Group response for group well
being would seem to be the obvious preference. Worker bees don’t attack in
support of the queen’s megalomania. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The Russian troops thought they were on a special training
mission until ordered to invade Ukraine, (at least that is what we were told). I
immediately thought of that old anti-war saying from hippie days, “what if they gave
a war and nobody came.” Of course, the human herd instinct is so strong that
this is extremely unlikely to happen. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We humans seem to be caught in existential conundrum. We are
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their goodies, and we are now in a situation where we are all dependent on each
other for trading resources and labor. Not many people would now justify an
invasive war for purely material, “rape and pillage” reasons, but if
given even a weak moral argument willingly go to war with the neighbors. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Interestingly, leaders are often morally less developed than
most of their subjects. Perhaps, it’s because narcissistic personalities have
the motivation to scramble, and bully unencumbered by empathy or doubt to the
top of a group in any way they can to gain the importance externally that they
lack internally. Within a group, they are the individuals who aren’t aligned
with the group’s well being. So, there are two types who are not inclined to follow
the charge of the light brigade; those who have no moral compass or sense of
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outcome and history, in other words, as citizens of the world first and
citizens of a tribe secondarily. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The big picture, (or at least the next grade up) is apparently
invisible to those wearing elaborate masks whose eye holes only see in one
direction. I was recently watching a history of the early Middle Ages in the Ukraine
and Western Russia. Each warlord conquered as many territories as possible,
burnt the cities and towns of rival chieftains, and gathered goods and slaves until
another younger and stronger one (often a son or brother) did away with him and then carried on in the
same pattern. We like to think that danger is greater today than in the distant
past, but about the only difference is that leaders now attempt to rationalize
their avarice and power mongering while, in the past, it was a badge of glory. However,
the most important difference is that technology has finally reached an impasse
with atomic weaponry. Like the biblical Sampson, the overly ambitious may well
bring their own roof crashing down on top of their head while sending debris across
the rest of the planet. Of course, there are those who are hoping to ameliorate
this problem by colonizing other planets. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Wouldn’t it be ironic if those potential escape planets were
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to make this planet inhospitable? Its like a terrible housekeeper moving to a
new house to leave the mess behind. The house might be fresh, but the new owner
is the same bad occupant. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Are those horror movies about an overwhelming alien invasion
of earth by aliens a guilty self-projection by this planet’s most dangerous occupants? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have we created a mountain of debris so high
that karmic gravity must finally cause it to collapse in a catastrophic landslide?
To paraphrase Pogo, we have met the Alien and he is us. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The leaders of countries seem to easily slide into the
temptation to regard their country much like the proud, ambitious parent of a
little league ball player, or Olympic athlete. This is certainly a good reason
for limiting the time permitted in power. In this case, the occupants of the disputed
land are regarded as at best disloyal children and at worst pawns. The decision
to go to war to claim territory is incredibly dehumanizing and cruel, but no nation can
claim innocence, and self-righteous outrage directed at the latest autocrat is historic amnesia. I can’t think of an innocent nation. I wonder if humanity can ever
outgrow this primitive game. The instruments of war become ever more sophisticated
while the impetus is developmentally locked in place . </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And yet, nobody likes war, at least they won’t admit it, (except
for General MacArthur who openly admitted that he loved war). That’s why they
blame the other guy, whom they hope will turn out to be the unfortunate loser, by divine will or some other high authority. It
reminds me of the way a neurotic will keep repeating the same mistake in hope
that next time it will work if he/she just uses more force or determination.</p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-16884556110534875442022-02-17T00:39:00.001-07:002022-02-17T00:39:25.904-07:00FROM MY ISLAND IN TAOS<div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I began this blog a few weeks ago and then life interrupted. I originally wrote it in the first week of 2022. Then my life surprisingly drifted into a struggle with endings and beginnings. After PQ passed, and I was alone in this house, I hoped to get time to sort out my new situation. But instea</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">d, a tsunami of unexpected legal and financial problems crashed through the front door. There would be no gentle treatment </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">by sympathetic</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> angels. Looking back to my first weeks as a widow, I can appreciate how I survived it and learned to do things I hadn’t done for years or ever.</span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi_ZerahodqnHb36BCZbMyplgTNXkByXXWmphxyipiGoKPXBn93y7Pg77N-vo4ziTBaL80s1wcoDvgE-TwYedGJwH9eEP4XTl_BS4RnvzwvKZ9b-hE_PqGQjDMDW0HwHup5bcKJ6UiGhJJqWldyQGKdrqfqrXKqwqfKFBNg9v5hh1UFu3TQXL-EB66C_g=s2171" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2171" data-original-width="1701" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEi_ZerahodqnHb36BCZbMyplgTNXkByXXWmphxyipiGoKPXBn93y7Pg77N-vo4ziTBaL80s1wcoDvgE-TwYedGJwH9eEP4XTl_BS4RnvzwvKZ9b-hE_PqGQjDMDW0HwHup5bcKJ6UiGhJJqWldyQGKdrqfqrXKqwqfKFBNg9v5hh1UFu3TQXL-EB66C_g=s320" width="251" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Two Year's Ago<br /></td></tr></tbody></table><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I felt abandoned on a desert island after the first two weeks of sympathy and visits from friends, so I challenged myself to make changes in the house and yard that I had put off for years. I regained physical strength that I’d lost, did my old ballet bar exercises to get, strength, balance and flexibility back. I was more compassionate to my old body and didn’t force too much too soon. However, I discovered that I could do many things I had been afraid to tackle. All along, I had a premonition that I was preparing for another stage of life. As much as I miss Standing Deer, I sense that his Higher-Self knew it was time to leave. He used to tell me that he knew I would outlive him, and that I had things to do after he was gone. I didn’t want to hear it because we had reached balance and comfort together. It was the first time in my life that I felt peace and acceptance of each day.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">A New Year is a mystery written in indelible ink that only becomes readable in hindsight. I feel that this New Year is just another chance to take on the big dragon lurking in the shadows cast by the previous year, and possibly the one before that. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I would like to say phew! Glad 2021 is over, but I </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">don’t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> think anything about it is over, we just </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">replaced</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> the number</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">twenty-one</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> with </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">twenty</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">-</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">t</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">wo</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> and hoped someone, maybe God, would </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">interfere</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">and create</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> a brilliant </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">new </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">script </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">that</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> would </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">lead </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">us a </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">to a </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">happy ending</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I’m starting this New Year with a new circumstance. The personal review of history commonly kicked off by the year’s transition to a higher number, this time initiated a grand review of my entire past including times, places and interests that were in storage so long that I forgot they ever existed. I’m stunned by a tsunami wave of these old identities and how intensely I grieve over them like lost jewels </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Just a year ago, I was living as if my pleasant daily routine with PQ would last indefinitely? We gradually let go of once treasured hopes and plans that would require too much money, energy, and future and yet our daily routines were rich with love and simple pleasures. We continued to hope, without saying it in so many words lest we break our fragile dream, that maybe we could step one more time on the red earth that carried the essence of our cherished memories. It wasn’t to be, yet we got pretty good at perfecting our recipe for lemonade.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I concede in hindsight that doors to unfulfilled plans had been closing one by one. The reality is that beautiful experiences move quickly through our mortal lives. They can be cherished but not restored, and we are not meant to stop the bus of time, no matter how fulfilling or defining the memories. We are the passengers, not the driver. But we can discover our soul’s truth by acknowledging what moved us </span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">deeply,</span><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> what we will keep in our box of cherished valuables, and what we should repurpose.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Since PQ died, my world has been spinning sideways, and it seems that there are layers I never noticed before and gaps between the layers. Everything is different. I can’t watch TV anymore without seeing more behind the scenes than in view. The News is not news but propaganda, the music shows are loud as if volume can substitute for quality, and I’ve always hated game shows. Even the nature shows seem like the same contrived pattern over and over and I wish they would let the creatures tell their own story. Maybe it’s because I just don’t want to waste precious time being entertained with feel good distractions. So much pretension. The political scene is a continuous loop that bores deeper and deeper into the dark, and we have become the slaves of money rather than its benefactors. </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">I’ve learned getting old has some advantages, if you don’t spend your precious time trying to be the way you used to be and don’t take yourself too seriously. Everything around me has a new perspective. The colors are brighter, I see much of my environment in a different light, a sharper more revealing light. Even my nostalgia is not for the way things used to be but a desire to revisit old haunts with new eyes and catch up with what I’ve missed since last we met. What’s happening now?</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">The biggest and smallest concern has been a stray cat. He is a trickster happy to expose my weaknesses and pretentious belief that I have the power to create a happy ending. He’s been through some rough times and around the neighborhood for a while. He is set in his ways. I would like to take him in, but he wants to take ownership and leaves his signature on the furniture. I kept him indoors when his upper respiratory problem got worse, doctored him, and kept him in the garage with the heater on for two nights and then on the third night, he asked to go out when the snow was still deep, and it was freezing cold. I didn’t believe he meant it, so I opened the door. He trotted down the sidewalk (I had shoveled snow during the day) and disappeared. I was concerned he might freeze but also knew he was a survivor, and he’d made his choice. He didn’t show up for the next day and a half. Instead of failure, I felt enormous relief. However, he came back and now stays most of the day in a shelter I made for him on the front porch. I’m learning to accept my limited ability to make things okay.</span></span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">Animals are among my canniest teachers. Shortly after Christmas, a robin appeared atop the Latia fence outside the living room window. It was the same bird on the same branch on which it appeared in March shortly before PQ became so sick. PQ loved birds and called it to my attention because we hadn’t seen a robin in our neighborhood before. It hung out at that spot for over a week and then left. This time it stayed just long enough to be seen and then flew away. Was it a message from PQ? He used to tell me that I had other things to do, and he wouldn’t be able to accompany me. I kept denying it, but he was right, as he often was. Stray cats and out-of-season birds come from a different world, that sideways world that reveals secrets not seen from the normal perspective.</span></span><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="EOP SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-ccp-props="{"201341983":0,"335551550":1,"335551620":1,"335559739":160,"335559740":259}" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"> </span></p></div><div class="OutlineElement Ltr SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-text-stroke-width: 0px; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: white; clear: both; color: black; cursor: text; direction: ltr; font-family: "Segoe UI", "Segoe UI Web", Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant-caps: normal; font-variant-ligatures: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; margin: 0px; orphans: 2; overflow: visible; padding: 0px; position: relative; text-align: start; text-decoration-color: initial; text-decoration-style: initial; text-decoration-thickness: initial; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; user-select: text; white-space: normal; widows: 2; word-spacing: 0px;"><p class="Paragraph SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-style: normal; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px; overflow-wrap: break-word; padding: 0px; text-align: left; text-indent: 0px; user-select: text; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span class="TextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" data-contrast="auto" face="Calibri, Calibri_EmbeddedFont, Calibri_MSFontService, sans-serif" lang="EN-US" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 19.425px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;"><span class="NormalTextRun SCXW184635956 BCX8" style="-webkit-tap-highlight-color: transparent; -webkit-user-drag: none; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; user-select: text;">One of my closest and longest friends is battling cancer and I’m among her team of caregivers. That along with the ongoing COVID19 pandemic tells me there is a still a long way to go before the night is over. Although the sun seems to be out of sight much of the time, we will get through another winter. Time eventually takes us all the way around a year, and the sun is rising on this New Year. 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<p class="MsoNormal">My morning meditation begins with emptying whatever is on my mind into my journal. Then I'm ready for something new. However,
this morning, I had a compelling curiosity about what was happening with our
cosmic neighbors, the planets who circle the Sun with us. I have been
deliberately avoiding astrology for a couple of years in hope that I could
clear the cobwebs of habit and eventually get a fresh view. But this morning curiosity
compelled me to check in with these neighbors. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I found some intense activity going on with our planetary family.
Mercury the messenger, Mars the warrior protector and the Sun, heart of our
system were huddled together in the sign of Scorpio who is famous for turning
whatever it touches inside out. To put it bluntly Scorpio is about radical
transformations such as encountering death and whatever follows. Its lessons
are overpowering, and the main theme is:</p>
<p align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;"><b>Reality in not what
you think it is!</b></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">If you think you know what’s going on, your mind is clogged
with assumptions and will soon be cleared of that mistake. There is movement on deep physical,
spiritual and emotional levels--“Things fall apart, the center cannot hold,” to
quote poet W.B. Yates. Of course, we all know that few stay upright
and balanced when confronted by life altering changes, and that is what concerned
me most.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I offer this exploration of the state of our neighbors in
the sky. It’s just a response to what came to mind as I looked at the current
relationships among our ever changing neighbors. I was surprised by how
intense it was, but I can’t deny that I’ve felt rumblings from above. Sometimes,
I choose to ignore them, the way I ignore thunder and lightning, unless it
strikes too close. I’m no expert in astrology although I’ve long believed its efficacy.
I know it does reveal much to those who learn to read it. But the possibilities
are so vast that no one notices the whole picture. However, what I saw this
morning set me thinking.<br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Our world is already bubbling over with conspiracy theorists,
climate deniers, and the politically unhinged. Fear is aroused on the deepest levels
when the old ways aren’t working. Another famous saying, this one by F.D
Roosevelt. “We have nothing to fear but fear itself.” Yes, I'm becoming increasingly
aware of how dangerous fear really is. I’m not talking about running from a
lion, or a forest fire. That is a clean fear of an obvious danger. The kind of
fear that is dangerous, is fear rising from the imagination like a long dormant
volcano that one assumed was safe. That kind of fear is free ranging and looking
for something or someone to attach to. That kind fear brings out the worst in
humanity, except perhaps, for the few advanced souls among us. Fear is
catching. I remember an unusually hot day when I was in the fourth grade. Our
music teacher had us practicing as a choir. One girl fainted and then another. Soon
they started falling like autumn leaves. The teacher had quite a job halting
the hysteria.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Saturn, with his scythe for chopping down the arrogant, and
questioning the validity of any change, is in Aquarius, the free thinker (how
free can that be?). It is also in a stressful relationship with trickster of
surprises, Uranus in the normally earthy sign Taurus. Another incompatible combination. My
imagination immediately conjures Uranus dissolving the illusion of Terra Firma.
We are all made of atoms that are apparently made of no-thing. There is nothing
(no-thing) in this universe and beyond but dancing energy conjuring the chimera
of some-thing by the will of the Celestial Magician.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Pluto is a cosmic outsider with a non-conforming orbit. It
is small as planets go, but powerful in density and influence, it represents a
great cosmic law. This planet is named after the god of the underworld who
snatched the innocent goddess Proserpina by her foot as she picked flowers and pulled her into his subterranean
lair. The planet Pluto still grabs our unsuspecting naïve self and pulls it into
the dark hole of the unknown. Naivete is lost forever. But of course, it must
be lost because what you see is often not what you get. We humans normally see
what we expect to see while being blind at the depth from which life emerges. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thus Pluto, the cosmic outsider at the trapdoor of our solar
system introduces the cosmic law of death and rebirth, appearance and disappearance.
Pluto rules in autumn when in the northern hemisphere, leaves fall from the
trees and the green things go dormant. Death is but a hidden world where we
enter another womb invisible to the surface world. Of course, this sunny world is in
its turn hidden from the other world beneath the veil. A balance of opposites
is natures continuous struggle. There is no death, just transformation of the Prima
Materia into the next iteration, hopefully on the way to a better metal. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Old ways of thinking and believing seldom go down without a
fight. Saturn, whose forms are made to last must now square off with Uranus,
the cosmic trickster that knocks down walls instead of politely opening Saturn’s
sturdy gates. We are taught that we are what we think---not! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Inside we are as mysterious as the cosmic will
that created us. You might ask, if that is so, why do we become so attached to
that which we believe is truth or reality. I should have mentioned that we and
the cosmos we live in were not a one-off creation, although God rested on the
seventh day, according to Genesis, it was only one day. We and our cosmic home are
always a work in progress. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As soon as we become attached to the truth, we are already
obsolete. I’m sitting in a solid chair, typing these words and nothing of it is
solid. As I look at this page, I have only my limited vision and functioning
body parts to express these thoughts. It’s all an exclusionary
construct. Once created, we continue to create in a holographic pattern. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My three-dimensional journey through time and space will
inevitably wind down, and sometimes I’m very grateful that is so. This is from
my small self—the one that changes with the weather and political climate. The
larger version knows that it is time for humility, flexibility, faith in the
Great Mind of the cosmos and that its time to get crack’n by sending waves of peace
and faith across the cosmic lake we swim in. Like creates like as we enter the
age of Aquarius, the sign of reflecting waves. <br /></p>
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<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-71422179709795268422021-10-31T13:37:00.001-06:002021-10-31T13:38:18.780-06:00MOVING THROUGH THE GREAT MYSTERY WITH THE MAN OF MANY COLORS: <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<p class="MsoNormal">FEAST DAYS AT THE ANCESTRAL HOME:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As I approached the ancient adobe house of Standing Deer’s
parents Joe J. and Frances Suazo on pueblo feast days, I thought; “when I walk
through that weathered door with its multi-layered crumbling paint, revealing layers
of time, there will be people on the other side from many backgrounds and many
places.” Some will be from foreign countries, some, will be famous, some new
acquaintances, and some old timers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There will be artists, writers, actors, PQ’s friends including a few old
girl friends, brand new residents of Taos, many well-seasoned friends and of
course family relations from infancy to elderhood. My personal tradition is to assist
Frances in the kitchen making chili and potato salad and washing pots and pans
for the next round. A few days before the big day, I will ask her what she
would like me to bring. “Cake would be nice,” was the customary response, but I
would also bring paper plates, plastic ware, and napkins. I knew that Standing
Deer would chop wood, carry water, and mind the fire. His father would sit at
the head of the table and tell stories. Not only would there be guests who come
to all feast days, but also people recently befriended and invited so that they
could have a special experience that the Taos Visitor’s Center could never
provide. The Suazo’s were a unique and elevated visitor experience.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">THE BEGINNING:<span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I visited Taos for the first time in 1989. However, I had
been drawn to the Southwest since I went on a road trip through New Mexico and
Arizona with Uncle Bob and Aunt Ruth in my eleventh summer. I was enthralled by
the powdery red dirt, aromatic pinon, and juniper trees. The pure air and clear
blue sky affected me like a drug. It felt, not so much like home, as the way
home should feel. My feet were quick and sure on the trails as if made of
something even lighter than air. I still have the small San Ildefonso pot I bought
in the Visitors Center of the Petrified Forest, my big splurge, and two
archaeological books purchased at the Mesa Verde Museum. Even now, I can feel
myself sitting on that adobe wall surrounding Spruce Tree House. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While the guide talks, I am time travelling to
a fascinating and mysterious past grinding corn and cooking beans in a clay pot,
after a day of minding the fields of corn and squash under the hot but brilliantly
clear sky. A part of my soul stayed there through the years until I finally found
my way back home. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">WHEN THE CALL CAME:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In 1989, I was working at the Tattered Cover, a four-story bookstore
in Denver, Colorado. I used my first vacation time in years to visit New
Mexico. It had been penetrating my dreams with increasing frequency.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My first husband and I decided to use my vacation
time to visit Taos. But how did Taos come to join my southwest fascination? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Curiosity about Taos began years earlier, when my mother worked
as a supervisor in the Accessor’s office of the City and County of Denver. A
young woman working under her was from Taos, New Mexico. They struck up
something of a mother/daughter relationship while this young woman was going
through some personal challenges. Mom introduced me to her because she thought
since we were the same age, I might better understand her. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I remember hearing the words Taos New Mexico and
was immediately pulled into a curious fascination. At almost the same time, a lovely
Hispanic family moved into the house next door.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The man was from Chihuahua Mexico, but his wife was from Taos and
sometimes did witching ceremonies in the back yard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They planted green chili’s near my bedroom
window and shared homemade tortillas with beans. I knew then that I must find
my Taos, because there was something more than beans and chili there. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">The following year we visited Taos again. Then every
three-day-holiday became a chance to go to New Mexico and especially Taos.
Usually, we stayed in the cheapest motel we could find because we were poor and
only needed a place to sleep. Sometimes we camped. Then in 1991, I attended an
astrology workshop given by an English woman whose husband worked as a masseur
at Ojo Caliente. On on my way home, I impulsively took a dirt road shortcut to
Taos. I drove through the sagebrush as if floating on air. The sacred mountain
lured me forward. After a few miles, I was suddenly confronted with a breathtaking
drop into an abyss and screeched to a stop. What happened? Why was there no
warning? When I inched forward, I saw a narrow dirt road plunging down the side
of the gorge, across the river and up a sharp incline to the other side. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It has now been closed for many years due to a
landslide. Back then, I felt I’d discovered a new and dangerous entrance to the
sacred land. During lunch at a restaurant on the plaza I imagined living this fantasy
and yet it wasn’t long before Taos became the most tangible place I’ve ever
known. Much to my amazement I ended up married to a native man, Blue Spruce
Standing Deer, of Taos Pueblo. I would have never in my most inventive phantasy
imagined how I arrived where I am now thirty years ago. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">MY CONNECTION WITH STANDING DEER:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was plenty of drama attached to my exit from Denver
and arrival in Taos. I have written about that in other places, but my
connection with Standing Deer is what I’m exploring now. I knew his family
members and friends before I met him. Everyone had strong feelings about him. Those
feelings were often intensely positive or negative and frequently both. Indifference
didn’t happen. He was apparently a rascal but a likeable rascal. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As soon as I learned of it, I became seriously interested in
his family’s connection with Mabel Dodge and Tony Lujan. I believed their attempt
to bring America out of its blindness and arrogance toward life values still preserved
in the Native culture to be even more important now than in their lifetime. It
seemed curious and sad that their efforts had almost faded from history. Many
people in Taos the place of Mabel’s revelation and convention breaking marriage
to Tony didn’t know who they were.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">However, there is no possibility of remaining impersonal or
removed from the process of cultural karma just because one stands silently in
the corner. I was drawn in to Standing Deer’s life by the same spirit that brought
me so circuitously to Taos. Perhaps it’s the same force that brought Mabel to
Taos and brought she and Tony together. It wasn’t uncomplicated and like
tornadoes, earthquakes, and other natural forces, compensation for an
unbalanced situation breaks through conventions and safety zones. Even now, the
people of Taos Pueblo are more inclined to see Mabel and Tony as home wreakers than
as “movers and shakers” (her words) bringing attention to the need for social healing
and evolution. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Today I’m recalling our first meeting, it was just after PQ returned
to Taos from Truckee California, drawn back home by a family crisis. By then I knew
most of his family and enjoyed his father’s and mother’s songs and dances
almost every night at our mutual friend Diane’s home. It was as if I’d already
known him for a long time. I’d learned that he was an artist and singer but
also a lady’s man and heavy drinker from those it affected. But that isn’t who
I met when I walked through the door that day. I saw someone that I’d known a
long time and hadn’t seen for a while. I wasn’t impressed either positively or
negatively. In fact, I was quite comfortable with him.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In those days, the Taos Inn truly was the living room of
Taos, much more so than it is now. I spent most evenings after work there,
writing in my journal, sketching, watching the patrons, and connecting with
friends. Virtually every night, Standing Deer would emerge from the back
entrance, pause for a moment, then put on a brilliant, smile touched with mystery
before stepping into the main room. He always wore his full regalia consisting
of long braids with two colors of ties woven over them, a turquoise earing, his
trademark silver turtle bolo (he was turtle clan), leather vest, large turquoise
bracelet, colorful shirt, jeans neatly ironed with a crease and cowboy boots.
To the end of his days, he wore only cowboy boots. Later, he discovered the
advantage of paint splattered pants as a conversation starter.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There was some odd chemistry between he and I from the
beginning. He avoided getting too near but never stayed very far away. He often
visited me late at night after the Taos Inn closed. In those days, I frequently
painted until 2:00 am. At first, he didn’t have a vehicle and walked to the
Taos Inn each night, then would ask someone at the bar to drive him to my
house. When he got a truck of his own, I could recognize the unique sound it
made on my gravel drive. His parents often called me if they were trying to
find him. Even when he was staying with a girlfriend in Santa Fe, I usually knew
who and where. Although I was devastated for months when he finally married one
of his girlfriends, he continued to visit me. We had a complex relationship
that went far beyond romance. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">ABOUT LIVING WITH HIS ABSENCE IN THE FLESH:</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now
I talk to PQ (Pba-Quen-nee), Blue Spruce Standing Deer in Tiwa, as I drive
around town. Yesterday I told him how beautiful the golden leaves are this
autumn, and that it had been a beautiful summer that he missed, and oh! The roses
shortly after he left us this summer were magnificent. He loved purple, so I’m
pleased that our purple flowers were abundant while he was still on this
dimension. I was very grateful he didn’t die in winter. Summer is open and the
air on which he now rode moved in and out of our house. Then I talked to him
about the progress (snail’s pace) of the road work on Paseo del Pueblo Sur and
remembered that he would probably be cursing how the “stupid” Town of Taos went
about such things, and the way people were driving. He once told me, when I
accused him of being negative, that fussing at roads and drivers was his
frustration release.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I watch film clips of him on Vimeo and YouTube
in anticipation of his life story, Man of Many Colors, by producer Mark Gordon.
But what I must admit is that much of my grief is not for him alone but for the
part of me that dissolved in the wind when he left. Everything changed. Who am
I now? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve known him for 27 years and
we went through many ups, downs events and stages. While we were only ceremonially
married 10 years ago, it was the culmination of a life’s direction. Counting
the two years we lived together before our marriage, we were together 24/7 for
12 years. I can’t imagine ever having another marriage. I value above
everything the freedom to continue what we began together. I am committed to fulfilling
the final chapter of our story and evoking some understanding of how the pages come
together. We each had our own life purpose, and yet we circled around a common star.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After he left, I cleaned up the garage, got
rid of clothes I’ll never wear again. Perhaps it was preparation training for letting
his favorite clothes find new closets. Then I reorganized the pantry, and while
it was still green outside weeded, pruned, and cut up dead wood. He would have complimented
me for that. He completely admired my way of working. I did it for myself to
build the muscles of my soul, but wished he could enjoy the results with me. What
is the next step? There is no one to discuss the news with, our traditional breakfast
smoothy doesn’t taste so good anymore so I only have it occasionally, and I
miss the sound of the TV through the open door as I trim shrubs or water flowers.
He isn’t waiting for me in the car when I come out of the grocery store. It’s
these simple mundane things that are the sharpest loss that penetrates my heart.
Our whole house seems to be turned off most of the time and yet there are some new
sounds. I never heard the annoying tick tock of the kitchen clock while his
oxygen concentrator hummed. And yet I’m curiously enjoying the silence as a time
to be quiet enough for memories and insights to rise to the surface, even though
my identity is morphing. I’m grieving but I’m not sad. I’m on a new trail and
its as if my old life ended with his earth life and I’m interested in what I’ll
find around each curve. I feel that our excursions are still in sync.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What I know now, is that he is just fine. He
left before his illness became an overwhelming burden. I admire his higher self
for the wisdom of his timing. Yet now I must find a new way of being. I explore
the memories of earlier times before we lived together, but I’m no longer that
person and it doesn’t work. I’m now in unexplored territory. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
sometimes felt sorry for myself because by the time we got together he wasn’t physically
able to do many things he did with earlier partners. I will never visit Italy
or even Florida with him for instance. However, the truth is I received much
more. He listened to wisdom and humbly allowed spirit to speak. He was far more
tolerant of the weaknesses of others and of his own limitations. He loved to
have me read my Blogs to him and commented thoughtfully. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He overcame many prejudices and allowed
compassion for other people to override judgement. He had struggled with his frenemy
alcohol since adolescence, but in the last years finally let it go. He could
always weep. That is one of his qualities that gave me hope at the beginning. His
tears came from the heart and were without shame. He was intensely loyal to his
friends, generous and sweet to those who made it into his heart. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>While we lived together, I almost lost my driving
skills, but they’re coming back quickly. This makes me a little sad, perhaps
because he’s only been gone since June 12<sup>th</sup>. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My car is getting old and yet the memory is
sharp of going to the Santa Fe Subaru dealer twelve-and-a-half years ago with he
and our friend Grandmother Jean to pick up my first new car and drive it back
to Taos. Characteristically, he drove the new Subaru and I drove myself and
Jeannie back in my old Mercury Tracer. That day seems so recent. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He enjoyed driving, didn’t really trust anyone
else to drive, and was good at it. I only drove the car on the occasions when
he didn’t want to stop what he was doing at home to take his son to work or
pick the grandkids up from school. Much later he had to trust my driving after
he became very ill.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I
dread telling his old contacts from out of town why he’s no longer taking calls,
painting commissions, or practicing his ceremonies. I look at his paintings
from the past two years and am amazed at how innovative and unique they are. I
so wish he could have continued this amazing new trajectory for a few more
years. However, as I explore the truth of his absence, I must admit that much
of the pain is about me. He no longer needs me, but I feel at loose ends searching
for the right macramé pattern to turn loose ends into beauty. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Now
I’m grieving for the part of me that left with him while my remaining self is trying
to identify the right opening to the future. It’s not that I need a new
identity so much as opening the door for one that was closeted most of my life.
However, I haven’t been draped passively on a clothes hanger but secretly slipping
through the back end of the closet wall to my secret world. It conjures the
image of C. S. Lewis’ The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. Can I get through
the visible closet door? Both he and I knew this was the reason our story’s
last chapter took the style it did. He often told me this, though I didn’t want
to believe it. It’s halfway his story, yet I am the storyteller. Nevertheless, we
both loved what we had and didn’t want it to end.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">At
my age, I’ve lost many family members and friends. But this time I lost the central
visible focus of my life. The remaining half has always functioned hidden
behind the stage curtain. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I recognize
now that I used his powerful presence as a protective screen. It was
intentional. In some ways his development and success, was my success and I had
envisioned many of the things he and I became involved in at the beginning of
our relationship. Grief in my case, is not triggered only by the loss of a
beloved person, after all, we both believed that life continues on a higher dimensional
vibration, but the big changeover is one’s personal identity as the actor in the
cinematic drama in which one is invested. The revelation is that we survivors are
grieving for ourselves.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The
small griefs are possibly the hardest to quiet. I still feel guilty for trading
both of our iPhones in for my new one. His phone was a part of his aura. My
throat sometimes tightens when I don’t see his pretty red iPhone laying on the
coffee table by his TV seat. This is where it waited ready for action as we
watched our favorite programs. He would snatch it up and call a friend or
relative spontaneously. It was never very far from him. He also used it to play
his favorite music while he painted. Yes, it’s the loss of my married to </span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">PQ identity</span><span lang="EN" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">with all the
physical props, habits and sensations that are imbued with his beloved essence that
is giving me the most grief. I can still hear his voice, feel the warmth of his
body, and the smell of his skin when we hug in the morning, ready to start
another day.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I felt grateful for each of
these days. They are more precious when one knows they will run out. Old love
has this advantage over the assuming confidence of youth.</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He
will be just fine. In fact, he is just fine. When I pray for him, I envision
him getting reoriented, in anticipation of his next earthly endeavor. We were
just learning to be a good team, so I hope we find each other again. I don’t
think we’re finished. </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-bidi-font-family: Calibri; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-31139859815397276292021-09-24T22:46:00.000-06:002021-09-24T22:46:05.548-06:00TRANSITION<p class="MsoNormal"> Today would have been our ten-year wedding anniversary. I was
hoping that PQ could make it to this day in the flesh, but it wasn’t to be.
Nevertheless, I had him longer than we thought possible. It was a lovely day
and I’ve tried to share it with him. I talk to him every day to let him know
how things are going. I find myself wanting to show him how beautiful a sunset
is, or how something I planted last year is thriving, and then it occurs to me
that people who have had a <span><span>preview of<span></span></span></span> the world beyond this one, remark that it
is much grander than this one.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">It has been a quiet autumn day with the amazing clarity of
the Taos sky. Autumn is always a bit sad and nostalgic for me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am definitely not a winter person although
I’ve lived most of my life in snow country. As a child I enjoyed playing in the
snow, but now it represents snow to shovel before I can drive anywhere and color of adobe
splattered on vehicles all over town.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m writing this with front door and windows open, enjoying
the sound of crickets and the flickering Cotton Wood leaves in a velvety breeze.
I don’t look with anticipation for winter’s closed windows and doors. Nature
was kind enough to extend summer longer than usual.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>However, she followed the calendar exactly
with a sudden drop to cool nights beginning on the equinox.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I still have unfinished business around Standing Deer’s
departure and am still feeling my way toward this new life. Already, I have a
few new routines. I get up earlier in the morning, watch lots of Gaia TV and
only occasionally watch YouTube videos and nature programs. I haven’t turned on the local news to
find out how many new murders have occurred in Albuquerque, and don’t tune into
political commentaries. I watch BBC World News and PBS News most days but find
all TV news shallow. We used to watch that stuff together but that was because
we could agree on most shows. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I’m gradually making a trail into a new life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve taken on tasks that I was reluctant to
take on while PQ was here. I don’t know why I let them intimidate me, but it
feels good to rediscover my ability to solve problems around the house. I still
haven’t dealt with some of the legal and financial issues that have loose ends
but my mind is getting clearer. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">As much as I miss PQ, I find that his absence has created a
vacuum to fill with new possibilities. There are different ways to do many
things that became routine. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I'm
beginning with small changes around the house and in the garden. I’ve become
conscious of how fixed some of our habits were.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t regret them in any way. Our routines and habits were full of
love and ritual. PQ preferred to drive the main road through town even when
construction was making a mess of it. He saw the people he knew and loved to be
seen by them. The grocery store and post office were social occasions. His son
Jerrick told me he tears up whenever he sees a car like ours. I’ve learned to
drive again with ease, and now I like to drive the back roads and avoid the state
of construction that clogged traffic on the main road all year.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This has been a year of challenges in other ways as well. My
longtime friend, Grandmother Jean is struggling with what the doctor’s say is
terminal cancer that is now in her bones. She has loyal friends who are taking
turns helping her. I have been spending every other afternoon from noon to five
or six with her since she is bedridden. There are many complications
practically and legally in her situation as well. This seems to be the theme of
the year.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">There is also a homeless cat that has decided that I am his
rescuer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He has an upper respiratory infection,
a tangled coat and a strange oblong object attached to his back. At first I
thought it was a clump of hair but when I tried to cut into it, it was hard and
white with the texture of some kind of plastic foam but with more density. He
first appeared last winter, and I assumed he belonged to one of our new
neighbors. At the time he didn’t have the upper respiratory infection and his
face was beautiful, but I did notice the strange object on his back. I can only
wonder what mystery he holds. I’ve been trying to get veterinary care for him
from Taos Feral Feline Friends since I can’t afford veterinary expenses in my
current situation. They arranged with a nearby veterinarian, and I managed to
get him there for one shot. It wasn’t enough and I haven’t been able to fit him
into their schedule since. Finally, I got tired of catching him, placing him in
the cat carrier, driving him to the vet only to be turned away, because they
were too busy and had no openings for several months. I am flummoxed about what
to do now, so have put his problem aside while I deal with Grandmother Jean’s problem.</p><p class="MsoNormal"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This entire summer has the theme of care-taking.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A state of transition is
another perspective on the current challenges. I’m grieving and at the same
time feeling curious and hopeful about the future. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-35894304373891231832021-06-30T01:13:00.001-06:002021-06-30T01:13:41.932-06:00TIME <!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Bullet 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Number 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="10" QFormat="true" Name="Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Closing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Default Paragraph Font"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="List Continue 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Message Header"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="11" QFormat="true" Name="Subtitle"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Salutation"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Date"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text First Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Note Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Body Text Indent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Block Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Hyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="FollowedHyperlink"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="22" QFormat="true" Name="Strong"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="20" QFormat="true" Name="Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Document Map"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Plain Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="E-mail Signature"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Top of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Bottom of Form"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal (Web)"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Acronym"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Address"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Cite"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Code"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Definition"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Keyboard"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Preformatted"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Sample"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Typewriter"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="HTML Variable"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Normal Table"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="annotation subject"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="No List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Outline List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Simple 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Classic 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Colorful 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Columns 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Grid 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 7"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table List 8"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table 3D effects 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Contemporary"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Elegant"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Professional"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Subtle 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Web 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Balloon Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" Name="Table Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" UnhideWhenUsed="true"
Name="Table Theme"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Placeholder Text"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="1" QFormat="true" Name="No Spacing"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" SemiHidden="true" Name="Revision"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="34" QFormat="true"
Name="List Paragraph"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="29" QFormat="true" Name="Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="30" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Quote"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="60" Name="Light Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="61" Name="Light List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="62" Name="Light Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="63" Name="Medium Shading 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="64" Name="Medium Shading 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="65" Name="Medium List 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="66" Name="Medium List 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="67" Name="Medium Grid 1 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="68" Name="Medium Grid 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="69" Name="Medium Grid 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="70" Name="Dark List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="71" Name="Colorful Shading Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="72" Name="Colorful List Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="73" Name="Colorful Grid Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="19" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="21" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Emphasis"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="31" QFormat="true"
Name="Subtle Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="32" QFormat="true"
Name="Intense Reference"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="33" QFormat="true" Name="Book Title"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="37" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" Name="Bibliography"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="39" SemiHidden="true"
UnhideWhenUsed="true" QFormat="true" Name="TOC Heading"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="41" Name="Plain Table 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="42" Name="Plain Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="43" Name="Plain Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="44" Name="Plain Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="45" Name="Plain Table 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="40" Name="Grid Table Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="Grid Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 5"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="Grid Table 1 Light Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="Grid Table 2 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="Grid Table 3 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="Grid Table 4 Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="Grid Table 5 Dark Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="Grid Table 6 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="Grid Table 7 Colorful Accent 6"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46" Name="List Table 1 Light"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51" Name="List Table 6 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52" Name="List Table 7 Colorful"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="47" Name="List Table 2 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="48" Name="List Table 3 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="49" Name="List Table 4 Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="50" Name="List Table 5 Dark Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="51"
Name="List Table 6 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="52"
Name="List Table 7 Colorful Accent 1"/>
<w:LsdException Locked="false" Priority="46"
Name="List Table 1 Light Accent 2"/>
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<![endif]--><p class="MsoNormal"> Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock. The clock on the kitchen
wall is almost exploding. It gets louder as I try to ignore it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I never heard it while Standing Deer sat on
his throne in the living room watching videos on TV. Now the passage of
seconds, minutes, hours, and days is propelled like an arrow from the clock to
my mind.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I just had my 79<sup>th</sup> birthday, (I almost wrote 89<sup>th</sup>,
a slip I’ve been making for months).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Normally people my age don’t accidentally add ten years to their age,
but I’ve been very aware of the speed of time in the days since I turned 75.
However, it isn’t with regret, sadness or fear that I became aware of the the
speed with which years advance. I feel a freedom and detachment that I would
never have anticipated even three years ago. It’s as if I were looking at the earth’s
spinning surface from a remote island in the sky. Everything seems present or
soon will be. Whatever time is it greets us at the beginning of our ride on this
spinning ball.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Although I’ve had a lot of
time, I find it mysterious and multidimensional. We use our Earth, Moon, Sun
and stars as a measuring system, yet the essence is a mystery.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Most of the earth's people have already moved beyond reach of
this physical, measured world and become members of its history. I’m wondering
if we just attend this three-dimensional seminar of a few short earth cycles
from time to time primarily to brush up on the principles of consciousness and
responsibility or possibly learn about them for the very first time.
Eventually, I hope to move through the lower grades and enroll in graduate
school. Could it be that our earthly school systems are based on an underlying
cosmic model? </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Standing Deer (Pba-quin-nee-e, or PQ) was a hard user. His physical body was small. He and I
wore almost the same shoe size, he had strong but beautiful hands, and the muscles
of a cat, and he carried himself big. However, he was careless with hardware, including
his body. It took him longer than most people to discover that he wasn’t
immortal. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now that PQ has moved beyond the vibrational atmosphere of
this visible world, my self-identity has done a fast replay of all the previous
roles and stages of my life. As each one passed, I said no, been there done
that. Let’s try one I haven’t used before. There were so many years lived
secretly or as the frame for someone else’s picture. However, it’s an intuitive
guess about what comes next. Honestly though, I’m ready to take some dusty
tools out of the closet. Some of them have never been used before and others were
almost forgotten.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I've been cast out
the door of a life I was quite comfortable with and yet I always knew the
comfort had a time limit. A pleasant routine becomes delicious when you know it
may end without notice. You take a memory snapshot each day. The simple things
are the most addictive. I miss seeing the back of his head above the couch as
he watches the afternoon news while I fix supper. His laugh when a joke strikes
his funny bone, the breakfast smoothy we had with the morning news at the beginning of each day, and especially the happy hug when he met me in the kitchen ready for
morning coffee. On nice summer mornings we took our coffee to the patio where he liked to talk
to the birds, and they answered. In the afternoon, there were trips to the
grocery store and post office. He invariably saw someone he knew from the
Pueblo, went to high school with or was a pal he made in the art world. Of
course, Taos was his hometown not only in his lifetime but for generations back.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">And yet we were happiest in Cottonwood Arizona. I’ve tried
to understand why that is. Perhaps it was because we were free to be new. It was
like being born again without karma. Yet we never gave up our Taos connection.
That wasn’t the point. The ripples in the lake of time ran free there, without
conflicting patterns. It was a new life based on discovery rather than habit. We
had, and now I have, a storage shed full of remnants of our dream to return to
Cottonwood someday. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We got together too late to fulfill many dreams, but we had
a delicious taste of what we want when we get another round. PQ always had an off center sense of judgement. It took me a long time to recognize this. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>However, his bad choices had a trickster element
attached. He once picked out an aspen tree for me, and it turned out to be a
cottonwood sapling, or he decided to walk around the grocery store with me,
accept visitors and sing a day after leaving the hospital which launched the
beginning of the end. I no longer blame him for this strange trait. In the
final cut, it turned out right. He was following a different script and the
results served an alternative purpose. For instance, I had decided to plant aspens because of my
small garden space, but unknown to him, I always had a soul connection with
cottonwoods. <br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I see and must accept that he left when he needed to go. We
both had plans for the future, but his body wore out and his soul knew he couldn’t do
justice to the life he came to live. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">To be continued, but I don’t know when or where.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-46517884965216248582021-06-17T22:50:00.001-06:002023-01-22T15:47:38.484-07:00OUR FINAL ADVENTURE (MAYBE)<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<div class="separator"><p class="MsoNormal" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;">How can he be gone? He filled every moment of my every day. Now
the air is loaded with his absence, as if he might walk through the door. Time can’t find its way through the disorganized maze of events. I don’t
remember just when his exit began. He fought with his powerful will to stay in
his body. He never felt his earth journey was complete and did everything he
could to make those damaged, lungs keep working, and his heart was still
pumping strong until just before the final breath.</p></div><p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"></p><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody><tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO_RljbC8E9S9ryRQ2tgPszrxhhjVC5Ei3qWBmvFJa5rWzjuqNhylTyoCAl7e8yfoAv5hKbA4gf87iAKdHjC_bZWe04fIXmmUmK-p8OQfm8vdzk28UdIp0EIvF8uuLRUWhBUjCJQg-L8mk/s1651/PQandDrum.jpg" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1651" data-original-width="1167" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgO_RljbC8E9S9ryRQ2tgPszrxhhjVC5Ei3qWBmvFJa5rWzjuqNhylTyoCAl7e8yfoAv5hKbA4gf87iAKdHjC_bZWe04fIXmmUmK-p8OQfm8vdzk28UdIp0EIvF8uuLRUWhBUjCJQg-L8mk/s320/PQandDrum.jpg" /></a></td></tr><tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A Moment Without Oxygen !<br /></td></tr></tbody></table> We talked of making a will recently but ran out of time. We
didn’t know the final struggle was already creeping up behind us. Our lifestyle
from year to year gradually adapted to his lung disease, and although we kept
the car supplied with oxygen tanks and took the big concentrator with us
whenever we left town, we were comfortable, and our love for each other and our
friends made life sweet. PQ was not patient by nature, but he adapted to all
the inconveniences of his disease. His paintings became better as he explored
new styles and media, and he continued to sing for visitors and sometimes at
events, although for shorter periods of time. He was always a party boy, and a
gathering, whether of two or two hundred gave him a spike of energy and
sparkle. I stood behind him with the oxygen tanks. <p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">We had a routine appointment with his pulmonologist in
Espanola. He didn’t want to go because our recent visit to lung specialists in
Denver yielded no new information and left us worn out. He said, “what’s the
use of going to the doctor, he won’t tell me anything new.” I thought of Dr.
Narayanon, and how he and PQ bantered with each other and talked of their
shared political views and jokes about the differences between the two kinds of
Indians they represented. I talked him into keeping that appointment.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">In the elevator to the doctor’s office, he began to
struggle. When we got out, he almost fainted and had to find the nearest chair.
A nurse ran for a wheelchair, and when he began the check in routine of heart
rate, blood pressure and oxygen, the oxygen level was bouncing up and down off
the charts. The nurse quickly fetched Dr. Narayanon, who took one look and sent
him to the ER. His left lung had collapsed. Then began a month and a half of
hospitals and procedures. My notes on the calendar are as mysterious as the
progression of time, and as out of ordinary focus as a dream.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Thus began my life of waiting in hospitals. For a small
Hispanic town, the Espanola Presbyterian Hospital is clean, modern, and
spacious, with a caring staff that look in on the patient every few minutes. I
spent five or six hours in PQ’s room every day and drove home to Taos in the
evening. I didn’t mind the hour-and-a-half drive up the canyon. It was a
beautiful spring landscape that soothed and restored my energy after the long
hospital visits.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">However, PQ’s body was not eliminating the morphine he’d
been given when a tube was implanted in his lung cavity to drain air and fluid so
that the lung had room to reinflate. It was decided to send him to Presbyterian
Hospital in Albuquerque. Of course, that didn’t work. It took the Ambulance too
long and the room was lost, so he went to Rio Rancho Presbyterian Rust instead.
Our dear friend Carol with whom we stayed in Cottonwood, now relocated to
Albuquerque became my center. I spent five hours at the hospital every day,
until they decided to send him back to Taos. When he arrived back in Taos, he
put on his jeans, cowboy boots and shirt. He followed me into the grocery store,
and we went to the post office. One day, he received some out-of-town visitors
and enjoyed playing his drum and singing lightly. But that was the last hurrah.
The lung collapsed again.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">By this time, I’m beginning to feel like a mouse in a maze,
and Taos sounds like a comforting relief. After a few days in Taos Holy Cross,
the pulmonologist there decided there was a procedure that might keep his lung
from collapsing again, so he was sent by helicopter to Presbyterian in
Albuquerque. (Are you getting confused yet?) I was. With each change there was
a hope that this time there would be a better outcome. But the promised
procedure was never used nor even mentioned again and it was soon decided that
he was declining rapidly and should go back to Taos into hospice care.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">PQ’s son Jarrick, and I agreed to this. I gathered my things
and started back to Taos and as I was leaving Albuquerque, the ambulance driver
called to make sure he had the Taos address right. Hospice bed, high flow
oxygen concentrators and whatever else might be needed were to be installed in
our house before arrival. PQ’s oldest son Corey had stayed at our home and taken
care of the cat while we were gone. He worked rapidly to clear a space for
entrance through the garage and in the living room for the bed and new
equipment. I arrived just before the ambulance. However, the equipment and bed
had not arrived, and PQ and ambulance drivers had to wait almost half-an-hour
before it arrived. Nothing was working out as planned. The hospice nurse was
trying to maintain some order, but PQ was approaching an oxygen crisis.
Finally, the equipment came, and the bed and concentrators were set up. When PQ
got off the gurney, he had a seizure. His pulse and heart rate plummeted, and
the nurse was ready to declare him deceased, but then his vitals began to rise
again.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t know exactly how long ago that was. Time had stopped
progressing sequentially after that first hospital experience. Soon after the
hospice setup, perhaps a day, his daughter Jody arrived from Florida. He wanted
her visit more than anything. She was a symbol of what he did wrong in his life
and wanted to make right. Just before she walked through the front door, he
insisted that he had to be wearing his jeans and boots. We couldn’t tell him
that his jeans were put aside in the Pueblo house for a funeral service that
seemed the inevitable outcome. He insisted, so I took his dress pants, boots
and belt from the closet. He’d lost so much weight that the belt didn’t have
enough holes and the pants landed around his ankles. He was now eating only a
few bites of his favorite foods. Just enough to arouse the fond memory of watermelon,
Strawberry Cream Slush, or scrambled eggs. We all tried to fulfill his
yearnings.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Our house was now a hospital room, and a hospice nurse
visited every day. PQ’s sister from South Dakota and her daughter spent some
time with us. Relatives, from Denver, back east, and the Pueblo filled the house
every day. His musician and artist friends came to pay their respects and say
goodbye. One of his life gifts was in bringing people together, and he
fulfilled that calling now as death approached even more than when his body was
strong. People came together who hadn’t seen each other in years. And his life as
an ambassador between cultures may have been a surprise to many of his family. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Now and then, PQ was sure he was near death and asked to go
to the Pueblo for the final goodbye, but then he would change his mind and ask
to make his transition to the spirit world from our house, which meant that his
body would be taken in a hearse to the ancestral pueblo home and given the
traditional burial after death. I was very relieved by this decision. There is
no electrical outlet at the Pueblo, and he was now on 30 Ltrs of oxygen. He
would have been sedated with morphine and after the oxygen tanks ran out,
allowed to suffocate while his relatives waited for the final breath. I thought
perhaps the yearning to please his father and follow his way was behind this
drastic thought. I remember the jolt of being present when his father ran out
of oxygen and expired in minutes. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">All of us were under stress and sometimes there were
misunderstandings and flareups. I sardonically imagined this would be a good
topic for a family drama. One night his oldest son and I thought he was almost
gone, called the younger son to come immediately and then decided to help his
transition by playing appropriate music by his favorite musicians. “Journey to
the Spirit World” by Buddy Red Bow was our first choice, followed by other
artists such as Van Morrison, Tina Turner and Bruce Springsteen. I no longer
remember the whole lineup, but I do remember that it had a surprising effect. He
became lively and started tapping out the rhythm of each song. The musical
reboot lasted for two days.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I hoped he would make it to our tenth anniversary, an
important date even though we had been together much longer. The marriage was an occasion for bringing our friends together in celebration of our
partnership and that made it special. </p><p class="MsoNormal">On his last day in the body we knew, he had no energy for anything but breathing. He never entirely came to consciousness. In the late afternoon, his son Jarrick and his fiance left the house to get some food. It was now safe to leave him alone with one person. I sat beside him as he struggled with each breath. it was unbearable. Both he and I were hopelessly fighting against the inevitable. I put my hand on his forehead, stroked his wounded chest and told him, "dear love of my life, you cannot overcome this. Your lungs will never get better. I will love you forever no matter where you are. Your lungs are keeping you trapped in a struggle it is too late to win. I love you always and everywhere, body, soul and spirit forever. Then I went outside for several minutes and prayed under the beautiful summer sky, surrounded by the trees and flowers we injoyed over morning coffee in better days. I was outside perhaps five minutes, and when I returned he had stopped breathing. <br /></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I don’t know how to end this missive. I don’t feel the
process is yet complete, perhaps it never will be and it is just a long wait
until we can resume our life together with new bodies. I’ve restored our house
to clean, orderly and comfortable, a mutual friend sent me a beautiful white
orchid for my birthday and dear friends we shared took me out to dinner. He is
always present, although now he lets me talk too. That’s the big difference. I
say this not to be unkind, but our relationship made plenty of space for him as
a performer and extroverted party boy. I didn’t resent this because, I had a lot
of sway behind the scenes and also had my personal life trajectory. </p>
<p class="MsoNormal">My new freedom feels like an extended gap between breaths.
There is nothing new to fill it, but the beauty of early summer allows me to
keep the windows and doors open to life on the outside. I hope PQ is feeling free and at
ease after his long struggle with that cruel thief of oxygen, pulmonary fibrosis. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
<p class="MsoNormal"> </p>
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</script>Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3602705657249347336.post-33992202096858601572021-05-14T23:16:00.003-06:002021-05-14T23:36:09.608-06:00How Did We Get to Heaven’s Gate?<!--Include the Google Friend Connect javascript library.-->
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Wednesday the 11th</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Yesterday evening after leaving the hospital I bought some
socks and shorts for PQ and some summer tops for myself at an outrageously huge
Walmart up the road from the hospital. Some part of me anticipated that we
wouldn’t be going home tomorrow, and I had one outfit and no pajamas. Nevertheless,
I hoped preparing for a longer stay would mean I was preparing for something
that wouldn’t happen. In no way was I prepared when I drove south to Rio Rancho.
That entire drive is now erased from memory. The Espanola hospital was going to
send my husband to Santa Fe. I waited for the ambulance to arrive in a few minutes,
as predicted. They even had his new room number. Time went by, and the
ambulance never came. Finally, I drove home to feed the cat and get ready for a
trip to Santa Fe the next morning. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Then I got word that the ambulance had been called to an
emergency, the hospital room was now taken, and they were sending PQ to
Presbyterian Rust hospital in Rio Rancho. My heart dropped. I couldn’t drive
daily to Rio Rancho. Then I called our Friend Carol who lives in Albuquerque and
asked if I could stay with her. Everything
happened so fast, there was only reaction, not much thinking beyond finding the
hospital in an unfamiliar city and then finding my friend Carol’s new home
which I’d only visited once before.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I notice time is suspended. I’m not in the same world of two
weeks ago, or is it only a week? When PQ was transported to Rio Rancho he was knocked
out on morphine. The doctor in Espanola sent him to Presbyterian Rust because
they had a specialist nephrologist. His
kidneys were not filtering out the morphine and he had been psychedelically
tripping for two days. Finally, he woke
up in Rio Rancho, looked out the window and thought he might be on another
planet. Everything was foreign. When I arrived at the hospital the next morning,
both he and the staff were glad to see me. He was terrified and thought something
very creepy was going on. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Thursday the 12th</b><o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">This morning when I arrived, his face seemed a bit larger.
Then I noticed the left side of his chest was abnormally swollen where the
drainage tube had been. What’s happening? The nurse sent for the pulmonologist.
She came in later and told us that PQ was experiencing Subcutaneous Emphysema. She
wasn’t alarmed and said that when the delicate lung lining, and his is very
vulnerable, is penetrated due to a heavy cough or some other pressure it
creates a small hole where oxygen can escape into the body. The oxygen moves
unrestricted into the tissue below the skin and causes the skin to swell like a
balloon. She said that it’s better to monitor it and that when the hole in the
lung tissue heals, the body will absorb the excess oxygen. Later in the day,
the swelling increased until his eyes were closed.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">He was scheduled to go home that day and was hugely disappointed.
I was grateful it didn’t happen after we got him home. It would have terrified
him, (me too) since we’d never heard of such a thing. I’ve since learned that
it is not uncommon. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><b>Friday the 14<sup>th</sup></b> <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">Third day in Rio Rancho: The swelling is beginning go down.
If he tries hard, he can open his eyes. I don’t know how long I’ve been here. Time
has slowed down, perhaps because we are in a new lifetime. Yet there is a
routine in this new life. I spend each day from 10:30 AM to 6-6:30 PM in his
room. Because of COVID, the hospital only allows two visitors per day. The
people at the hospital entrance know me and ask how Standing Deer is doing.
They did some research on the internet and discovered he was in a couple of
films and has his art on Facebook, now they think he is a star and treat me
like an old friend when I come in the morning.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">I still can’t find my way to and from my friend Carol’s
house where I’m staying or the hospital without Seri’s help. Yesterday on my
way to Carol’s house, I told Seri Montano instead of Montano Plaza Drive and
had a scenic drive through sagebrush and cedar.
Eventually, pulled off and tried again. Every road here has many snakelike
winding curves—probably good Fung Shuai. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal">When I arrived at the hospital this morning, the nurse on
duty informed me that they had talked to PQ about a Final Directive and he told
them he wanted the full measures to maintain life. Although I don’t think he
understands how brutal that can be, I didn’t bring the topic up today because I
believe it indicates how much he wants to live. He has unfinished business, and
not just the unfinished painting on our dining room table. That table has
become his favorite workplace and his colored pens, pencils and measuring tools
are waiting for him. He also needs to finish his life story. What will he carry
to the other side? This should be the most important final directive. The shadowy
veil between daily life and the truly mysterious world we live in has been torn
for me as well.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p><p class="MsoNormal">It’s so easy to be hypnotized into semi consciousness by our
everyday routines and earthly plans. We all know that life habits and routines we
have become comfortable with are temporary and subject to sudden changes as
much as the weather is, yet its always a shock when there is messenger from the
other side at the door. Decisions must be made. Why am I here, what do I want to leave, what will I take with me. Can I finish the job I started.<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal"><br /></p><p class="MsoNormal"><o:p></o:p></p>
Marti Fenton White Deer Songhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09950752494516234824noreply@blogger.com1