HOMESICK

I was under the weather this week and consciously impaired, which means the unconscious other half of my life took advantage of an absent gatekeeper and rushed in.  Then I realized there was a lot behind the dam that I’d forgotten.

All this golden beauty was just weeds two weeks ago.

Life either floats by or zips by and most of the time we are numbed by busyness. Trivia, which is almost everything we do, keeps us from seeing the ground beneath our dancing feet. The more time I spend on this earth and this dimension the odder it seems.  I’ve been here long enough to forget unimportant details and also enough to know this place gets stranger every day. I don’t pretend to know much about it. I cling to the familiar times and places to avoid dizziness.  Time moving in only one direction never made sense. I’m a rebel still trying to get over it, as my folks hoped I would.  There are still many things I wanted to do before I got old, but I think I they already came in my dreams and Deja vu. One by one, I mark them off my to-do list.  Anyway, they always come after I’ve quit wanting them. 

Homesick Again

I accidentally wandered into a place I’m unfamiliar with and already I’m homesick.

I wanted to walk through the fields of my life today.

There are many I haven’t seen or visited for a long time.

I’m homesick, but not sure which home will heal it.

It is the last day of my life, as I’ve known it.

I Don’t know where the rest will come from.

Now each leaf and stick of grass is precious because we are old friends.

The future might make this our last meeting.

There are tears in my eyes but not enough for all the losses.

Not nearly enough to honor lost lifetimes.

Do I have enough desire left to climb a whole mountain of muddled memories?

I’m told I could make an alter there for all the misplaced hopes so my tears can dry.

Will I get there in time to light a candle before the sun goes down?

I’m not particularly interested in the next sunrise.

I’ll get to it next time around.

Will it matter if I don’t make it in time to see the sunset?

Are you still with me?

The colors and light patterns for this last show are spectacular.

The whole day was preparing for this.

Now don’t blow it.